Divisions and Precisions

Weird dream

I think I dreamt about my ex-husband all night. Or even weirder, I dreamt that I dreamt about my ex-husband.

In my dream, we ran into each other again, and started talking, and it seemed like we were on the verge of getting back together. We talked over a lot of the bad stuff that happened while we were married, and I realized how much I missed him. Then I woke up, and started thinking how weird it was that I dreamt about him. In fact, I came here and posted about it--and somewhere in there realized that I was STILL DREAMING.

It was all so vivid, it's stayed with me all day. I remember standing in the last apartment we lived in, and both of us apologizing for how awful the last year of our marriage was. It seemed like we were about to kiss, then I 'woke up'. Honestly thought I was awake, I was in my own bed, surrounded by the cats, and everything. I think when I was typing in my livejournal entry I started to realize that I was still dreaming. I don't think I've ever had a dream within a dream before. It was very weird.

I felt so close to him. It made me realize how distant I am to most people now. Even the people I'm close to, I keep out on some level. I don't know when it happened, and I don't know how to fix it. There's a lot of fear here. The internet has, in a lot of ways, given me a chance to open up without a lot of risk. Here, I can be close to people without really being close to them. I've said it before, elsewhere, with internet friends, I have absolute control over what they see of me. That's probably one reason why it's so appealing to me. I guess I'm covering old ground. I just keep forgetting this. The idea of having intimacy issues just doesn't fit in with my self-image of myself. I think of myself as being so open.

Grar. Socially inept. That's me.