Divisions and Precisions

How to survive the apocalypse in style

It's easy to get through a cessation of Life As We Know It (tm), even a temporary one, if you know what to do and where to go.

Here's what you need:

One (1) nearby town that still has all essential services, like power, water, cable tv, etc.
At least one (1) relative living in that town
One (1) enormous partially empty freezer in said relative's garage
Access to arguably the biggest non-commercial vegetable garden in said town

If you have these things, surviving the unthinkable is easy. Pack up the car with essentials like a laptop computer, a book, and all the perishables from your dead refrigerator. Drive to the above town. However, if all local media have been advertising for 12 hours the fact that said town is the only one in the area with things like power, gas, and food, be prepared to wait in traffic until you get through the panicked masses without relatives in town.

Once you've safely arrived at the home of your relatives, having pointed and laughed at the silly fools sitting outside gas stations that no longer have gas, unpack the perishables into the freezer, plug in the laptop to let it charge, and kick back in air conditioned comfort to watch CNN.

All that's left to do then is enjoy a meal or two of vegetables that had been busily growing outside until about five minutes before being tossed in a pot or chopped up, and wait for the power to be restored in your own home.

If you follow these simple instructions, you're guaranteed to turn a potential disaster into a lovely vacation day.

(Thank god for my aunt and uncle. And as a side note, I'll bet there isn't a gallon of gas or a gallon of milk or a loaf of bread to be had anywhere in Brighton this morning, thanks to the local media.)