Divisions and Precisions

And The Hits Just Keep On Comin'....

There's a letter on the desktop that I dug out of a drawer

The last truce we ever came to, in our adolescent war

And I start to feel the fever from the warm air through the screen

You come regular like seasons, shadowing my dreams

The Mississippi's mighty, but it starts in Minnesota

At a place that you could walk across, with five steps down

And I guess that's how you started, like a pinprick to my heart

At this point, you rush right through me and I start to drown

And there's not enough room in this world for my pain

Signals cross, and love gets lost, and time passed makes it plain

Of all my demon spirits I need you the most

I'm in love with your ghost, I'm in love with your ghost

Dark and dangerous like a secret, that gets whispered in a hush

When I wake, the things I dreamt about you last night make me blush

You kiss me like a lover, then you sting me like a viper

I go follow to the river, pay your memory like the piper

I feel it like a sickness, how this love is killing me

But I'd walk into the fingers of your fire willingly

And dance the edge of sanity, I've never been this close

In love with your ghost...

Unwilling captor, you'll never know how much you

Pierce my spirit, but I can't touch you

Can you hear it? A cry to be free

But I'm forever under lock and key

As you pass through me...

Now I see your face before me, that would launch a thousand ships

To bring your heart back to my island, as the sand beneath me slips

As I burn up in your presence, and I know now how it feels

To be weakened like Achilles, with you always at my heels

My bitter pill to swallow is the silence that I keep

It poisons me, I can't swim free, the river is too deep

Though I'm baptized by your touch, I am no worse than most

In love with your ghost, you are shadowing my dreams

(In love with your ghost...)

(In love with your ghost...)

Well... today was good. I spent the afternoon reading, listening to music. I was okay. Hollingsworth called me and asked if I wanted to go see a movie. My mom called and arranged to meet me for a birthday brunch tomorrow. Then, while I was getting ready to go get Hollingsworth at work, the CD changer pulled up track 3 on my Indigo Girls CD. "Ghost". I was on my way to the shower, and I stopped in the hall and started singing along. Then I stopped, and started listening. Then I started crying, and couldn't stop. Anyone who wants to know how my life feels right now... listen to that song. I thought I was doing well. These things have a way of blindsiding you.

And my hunches were right. Hollingsworth is dating someone he met online. I'm not sure how I feel about it. If I wasn't already dealing with this, I suppose it wouldn't bother me at all. I still don't know her name, just that she lives in this area and that I'll probably meet her at some point. It's funny. I didn't realize that I was having thoughts of rebounding onto him until I learned about this.

So. I'm on my own. Completely. Whether I like it or not.

I don't.

I am honestly and truly going to end up as the favorite eccentric maiden aunt of my friends' kids. Indulge me for a few moments, as I imagine spending the rest of my life completely alone. It's irrational, yes. And self-pitying, yes. But I'm doing it anyway.

So there.

It's gotta get easier than this.