May 01, 1999
It's Four A.M., I Must Be Lonely
Four am. What are you up not thinking about at this time of the morning? Me, there are a lot of things I'm not thinking about.
Four am. (And I hear some part of my brain echo, it's 1 am there.. it's only 1 am there...) But I'm not thinking about that.
Four am. In fact, that's probably the only thing I'm up not thinking about at this time of the morning. I'm not thinking about the two of them meeting for the first time, my best friend and his chosen beloved.
I refuse to think about that. I am absolutely NOT thinking about him kissing her, or touching her, or smiling at her.
Thinking about that would be self-defeating. It would serve no purpose. And most important of all... it wouldn't change anything. So I'm not thinking about it. Not now, and not for the rest of this week. For me, there is no cabin in the woods off somewhere alone for a week.
There are no green thoughts.
I did not contemplate airplane crashes.
I am not dwelling.
Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata.
Life is very long.
So be it.
Four am. (One am there.) I'm spending a great deal of time not thinking. I will continue to not think for the rest of the week. If there had actually been something to think about, this tone would be followed by news and instructions.
Don't panic.
Strange news has come to town
Strange news is carried
Strange news flies up and down
That my love is married.
Oh I wish them both much joy,
Though they don't hear me.
And may God reward him well,
For the slightin' of me.
Four am. Except that there was no slight. The truth was always told in that one area, at least. Always. But I'm not thinking about that.
I do not think that they will sing to me.
Four am. (One am.) SHUT UP!
I'm spending a great deal of time not thinking.
