Divisions and Precisions

Not Like Yesterday

For On Display this month, I was asked to send a Valentine to myself. I thought about just posting an ecard to myself here for everyone to see, or taking a picture of one of those little school Valentines and posting it here. In the end that felt like a little too much work for cheating, really. (Okay, so it's probably not cheating, but it still felt like too much work.)

Oddly, when I first started thinking about what I wanted to say here, some lyrics came to mind:

I love myself today

Not like yesterday

I'm cool, I'm calm,

I'm gonna be okay...

For anyone who's unfamiliar with Bif Naked, she's not a quiet Jewel-like reflective singer/songwriter type. She's more the thumping guitars and pogoing around the stage singer/songwriter type. The first time I heard that song, I loved it. It's all about a woman who finally got up enough self-esteem to get over the guy who's been messing her around. (It occurs to me that the song is just campy enough to possibly be tongue in cheek, witness lines like "You left me free-falling like space junk / Burning up in the atmosphere of life...")

It seems like I write a lot of journal entries about how much I've changed -- but it's true. The first incarnation of this journal was called Crossroads, because that's where I felt like I was. Ironically, that feeling hasn't ever gone away. It's not that I haven't been going anywhere, mind, it's just that the crossroads are following me. I suppose it's a good thing that I'm always growing, but jeez. It'd be nice to reach a plateau once in a while. Then again, maybe those plateaus are when I stop writing journal entries, eh?

Anyway, Valentine stuff. Normally I hate the holiday. With few exceptions, every Valentine's Day I spent with a significant other was a disappointment. (Those exceptions are notable, like the year Gary wrote me a song for V-Day, or the 'diamond' tennis bracelet Bob got me my senior year in high school.) I've managed to spend most of the single Valentine's Days being bitter and grumpy. This year? I barely noticed it. I got a "Happy Valentine's Day" call from my mom, toyed with the idea of sending an anonymous Valentine e-card to someone I work with, but other than that, completely slipped under Cupid's radar.

That, as much as anything, is my Valentine to myself. My life has stopped revolving around whether or not I have a SO or a crush or someone to obsess over. (As much as Alanis Morissette makes me want to gack sometimes, a line from "Uninvited" applies: "I have simply wanted an object to crave.")

Now it's all about me, baby. I don't have time to worry about dating, dahling, not while I have so much to do! ;) So, I guess, Happy Valentine's Day to me, who's finally learned to be content with at least some aspects of her life.

Posted by Lisa at February 20, 2002 08:52 AM