Divisions and Precisions

Slow Christmas

The Christmas spirit is slow in coming this year. Don't get me wrong, I'm not Scrooge again this year, as I have been in years past, but neither am I weeping at every Christmas carol I hear, like last year. Of course, this could be because the new Christmas CD I bought this year is absolutely horrid. There should never ever be an upbeat, swingin' jazz version of "What Child is This?" This is what I get for buying my Christmas music at a gas station, I suppose.

Mom and I put up the Christmas tree together this year, and that was nice. Everytime I drive past the church on the corner, I wonder if maybe I'll go to a Christmas Eve service again this year. That was nice too. I think that sums up this Christmas season so far for me, actually. Nice. Not especially stirring, but not especially grouchy, either.

I know, I know. Not every Christmas can be rife with symbolism and emotion and holiday goodness, and this year I definitely have reason to be subdued. Between current events and losing Grandma this year, I suppose I should be grateful for 'nice'. And I am, but in all truth, this year Christmas means time off from work and an end to a stressful semester at school. Oh, and it means New Year's Eve is coming, which means it's time for my annual New Year's roleplaying party with Dawn and Jason and Alex and Heidi. (How is this different from our usual roleplaying get togethers? More food, less kids, basically.)

Part of it, too, is that there's a fair amount of tension around here right now too. While I think certain members of the household are more than happy to see me moving out next month, certain members (read: my mom) are considerably less than happy to see me moving out. She's worried about me living alone again, and she's worried about my finances, and really, she just doesn't want me to leave. It's been good for us to live together again. My mom and I had gotten a little distant from each other before I came here. That's mostly my fault. Now, with everything that's happened, we're close again. Maybe a little too close. I think she's afraid we'll drift again once I'm away. I don't want that, and we've talked about ways to prevent it. I keep reminding her, half-jokingly, that I'm not moving across the country.

So yeah. It's Christmas. I haven't done much shopping and I'm distracted as hell. Who knows? Maybe I'll settle down Christmas weekend and build up a month's worth of Christmas spirit all at once.

Posted by Lisa at December 16, 2001 01:39 PM