Divisions and Precisions

More Christmas Pondering

I'm so glad to have a four-day weekend. In fact, so far what Christmas means to me this year is a four day weekend. Does that sound horribly cynical? It's a little bit of an exaggeration. I mean, I'm looking forward to spending time with my family, but... I don't know. I've got so much going on right now. I'm moving right after New Year's, for one thing. I just learned that today. And I'm just... distracted, I guess. Busy with work, busy with school, busy with writing. The fact that I haven't really done much Christmas shopping probably doesn't help matters, either. (Yeah, guess what's on my to-do list for tomorrow?)

I don't know. I've always envied people who bake Christmas cookies and do all sorts of crafts and make a big deal out of Christmas. I mean, I baked Christmas cookies last year and passed them out at work, and that was pretty neat, but... I dunno. Just didn't have the time or the inclination this year.

So, I guess I keep hoping maybe I'll have a Christmas Eve conversion, like Scrooge or something. (Not, mind you, that I'm asking for visits from any ghosts that night.) A couple of years ago I went to a Christmas Eve service just down the street, and it was a wonderful thing. I'm hoping to do that again this year. I'm not sure what our family's plans are that night, however.

That's a whole other part of my Christmas 'enh'. I'm not even completely sure what the family plans are for the holiday. At all. Last year I ended up going to the family dinner alone, and discovered I was the only one really who'd bought Christmas presents. I was more than a little disappointed, especially since last year was the first year I'd actually gotten a bit of Christmas spirit. Maybe I'm holding out to avoid that disappointment again this year.

The family situation is a little tense right now, as well. While I'm certain that my stepfather is more than happy to see me moving back out on my own, my mother is less so. We've had several discussions where she's tried to talk me out of moving. While I know moving is the right thing for me to do, I still feel incredibly conflicted. I mean, I'm supposed to do what my mother tells me to do, right? It's been a very tense time for both of us. We've gotten really close over the past year, and I know she's worried that we'll lose that when I move. It's happened before.

So... I don't know. It's Christmas. Maybe by the end of the weekend I'll be a little more into it, but right now, it's four days off and a chance to sleep in. Of course, if I experience a major conversion to the Christmas way of thinking sometime in the next few days, I'll be sure to write about it.

Posted by Lisa at December 21, 2001 08:24 PM