April 19, 2000
Bleah -- In Shades of Cyan
Probably not one of the most exciting days I've ever had in my life, to be certain. I'm fairly down today. I don't mean that I'm 'oh god I may as well slit my wrists' depressed, more like 'just let me curl up here in the corner with a blanket and leave me alone' depressed. I feel sort of overwhelmed, and I'm not completely sure by what. If you asked me, I'd say "Everything!" So it's no big deal, really, just general feelings of inadequacy. It'll pass soon enough.So why am I writing? Not sure... partly a feeling of guilt because I haven't written anything in nearly a week. Partly because I needed somewhere to be able to wail "I really suck today!" Admittedly, I feel better than I did when I first got here. Something about comparing William Wallace of "Braveheart" fame to accountants made me grin (see sidebar quote).
Keeping a journal has been good for one thing in particular. Noticing cycles. The year ago link at the bottom, in point of fact. Hey. Look. I'm going on and on about how uncertain I am about this job. Imagine that. I'm also starting to wonder if spring and fall don't both stir up strong emotions in me, both good and bad. I always get restless when the seasons change. It can't be coincidence that I get worked up every fall and every spring.
My own whininess aside, you all simply must go read Melissa's entries for the past couple days, here first, then here. I'm amazed. My poor romantic heart almost can't take that sort of wonder. And Melissa, if you're reading this, I'm insanely jealous. It's absolutely beautiful and you're making me cry. In a good way.
(Yay me for finally updating the links page.)
Posted by Lisa at April 19, 2000 02:40 PM
