April 25, 2001
Congratulations! (To Me)
Well, I survived my first final in ten years. I did it! After three attempts to go back to school, I finally finished a semester. I was a little nervous -- okay, a lot nervous -- at the beginning of the semester. I've changed so much of my life in order to be able to go back to school, I was afraid of what those changes would mean if I failed again. I also, honestly, was worried about all the people who would kick my ass if I dropped out of school again.Fortunately, for a variety of reasons, things were different for me this time. The biggest difference is that I've had a really strong support network of folks behind me who really wanted to see me succeed (or, conversely, were ready to kick my ass if I didn't). Not that the whole world stood against me the other times I tried to go to school, but... I don't know. A lot of it has to do with proximity too. When I tried to finish a semester at University of Tennessee, the only people who really wanted me to succeed were miles and miles away from me. Gary certainly didn't care that much; he was too caught up in dealing with his own problems. His parents wanted to see me fail so that I would settle in and support Gary and take care of everything around the house. "Let Gary finish school first, then you can go." Never mind that Gary had been in school full-time for five years with no sign that he was even close to finishing his BA. Never mind that I was dying inch by inch in the meantime. Yeah, I think I'm still a little bitter about that. But this time, this time everything was different. So many people were genuinely pleased for me and encouraged me. So many of you encouraged me, and that means so much to me.
The other big difference this time is just that I'm older now, maybe even a little more mature. And frankly, my mental health is much better as well. My depression may not be curable, but it is at least largely under control. Between these two things, and just finally knowing what it is I want to do, I've been able to actually handle school this time. Yay me! If I sound a little self-congratulatory, it's because I am, damn it.
In unrelated but equally happy news, I got flowers for Secretaries Day. You better believe this is the only day of the year I let anyone get away with calling me a secretary. "Senior Services Receptionist" just sounds so much more elegant, don't you think? I'm seriously digging this promotion. I find myself caring a little more about what goes on around here, and working a little harder. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it's a pretty good thing. I feel very competent just lately.
Posted by Lisa at April 25, 2001 09:37 AM
