January 05, 2000
Stress!
I feel like the words have been drained out of me. I never realized how much writing here meant to me until I stopped. I have honestly been able to tell a difference in my moods from day to day without this outlet. At least, I think it's connected. It might also just be that it's stress affecting my moods. It's not that I've been depressed. Just... blah. I still enjoy things that I used to enjoy, but sometimes things just seem a little dimmer.I found out yesterday that one of my coworkers was out for a while because of depression. It didn't surprise me. In fact, when she was out, no one talked about what was wrong with her. No one seemed to know. Management got uncomfortable when asked about it. So I knew. It's funny, they wouldn't have felt odd telling us she was out because of surgery or a heart attack or anything like that. That sort of silence is exactly what keeps so many people from getting help. That sort of silence is what makes a lot of people feel ashamed for their illness.
Right now I'm very stressed and very angry and it doesn't take much to set me off at all. There's so much idiocy around me here. I feel helpless in the face of it. Feeling helpless makes me feel angry. It's a cycle that feels like it's going to last until April.
Goal for right now: make quiet time for me. Away from everything. Computers, phones, work, friends, cat... everything. I need centering. I think I'll start tonight, when I get home from work. I've almost forgotten how to do this.
Posted by Lisa at January 5, 2000 03:30 PM
