February 19, 2000
DowntimeI was unbelieveably cranky last night. I snapped at anyone and everyone who tried to talk to me. Frankly, I hated it, but I couldn't seem to stop, either. Online, at least. Offline I had a nice phone conversation with Jason. I'm heading out his and Dawn's house after work. Have I mentioned what a wonderful house they have? It doesn't matter where they're living, it's like a refuge to me. I've done this before. This time, it's not that anyone's bugging me, or that my home is feeling like hell... I just feel the need for people around me. Well... people I care about, at least. Voices that are not mine in the air. Too many nights spent in front of what both James and Nic refer to as "the glowing box".
Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up my addiction to the internet any time soon... I just... I've hit a saturation point, I think. There's so much idiocy out there, a lot of it shoved right into my face, and this week I reached a point where I couldn't take anymore of it... and I started to snap. Literally, considering my attitude this past week. It's ironic. Erisian.net (the host of Something Wicked This Way Comes and most of the other MUSHes I play on) is down today... which may be a good thing overall. Between going out of town for a bit and the game being down, I'm forced to take a break, which I need. And which I probably wouldn't have done voluntarily.
Now I suddenly feel sheepish. Did I mention that I am really looking forward to seeing my friends too... just because they're my friends?
The feeling of dread I had the other day... because of my dreams? It's still around. It's not quite as strong... but it's there. I'm spending a lot of time hovering just on the edge of tears, and I can't explain why. But life is going on, sometimes grimly, sometimes not. I'm going on.
Posted by Lisa at February 19, 2000 02:49 PM