August 03, 2001
Lazy vs. Ambitious
Within the next month, I'm going to be leaving the job I've had for the past four years and going to a new one. I'm not changing companies, I'm barely even changing departments. I'll be on the same floor, in the same area. Those are the only things staying the same.
Frankly, I'm scared to death.
I'm good at what I do. Granted, I'm a receptionist. I answer phones, I take messages. If I'm lucky, I do trickier administrative and data entry/recordkeeping stuff. It's not a difficult job, and I've done it long it enough that I know it inside and out. Answering calls for me now is very much like playing back a recording. For almost anything a customer can say to me, I have a response ready to play back. It's not often anymore that someone throws me a loop. It's automatic. I am a repository of obscure information and trivia about the company. I have phone extensions memorized for probably close to a third of the company which equals about 200 people. Things aren't a challenge here anymore.
In the time that I've been here (when I wasn't answering phones), I've started email accounts, taught myself HTML and web design, started to MUSH, fell in love, had arguments, made friends, lost friends, written books, surfed the web endlessly, had long IM conversations, started a MUSH, done homework, written papers, done Christmas shopping... I've had lots of free time.
My free time at work is about to vanish. As I've said so often, I'm going to have to actually work at work. I'm not sure how I feel about that. The lazy part of me is shrieking in protest. When, it demands, will I possibly have time to do all of the things listed in the above paragraph? The part of me that actually has a work ethic (and there is a little part, hidden in there somewhere) is a little relieved. Phew, it says, a real job! No more being ashamed of my job! No more hedging, telling people just that I work for an accounting software company when they ask what I do. I am a Product Support Representative! I do tech support! That feels distinctly career-like.
Gack. Career. That sounds so... so... responsible. I usually prefer to duck responsibility.
But at the same time, I've been dreaming about this job lately. Simple dreams, really. In my dreams, I'm doing the job, taking calls and helping people out. And you know what? I'm happy in those dreams. I enjoy the job that I'm doing. The advantage of having been here so long is that I know what tech support does. I know what support reps are expected to do. I already have a pretty good handle on huge parts of the job -- I just lack some of the more detailed information and training. (Gah. Accounting. The accounting book I'm reading is like eating chalk. Colored chalk, because it's well written, but the subject is so DRY.)
So I'm nervous. I keep telling myself that I can do this, and that I'll enjoy it. I keep hoping I'll convince myself. Deep down, I think I'm going to kick all the ass. I really do. My doubts are just so loud sometimes...
Posted by Lisa at August 3, 2001 09:51 AM
