August 06, 1999
Addicted Cyberspace Selkie
First of all, you have no idea how badly that cracks me up. It just... fits.
As you may have noticed from the left-hand side, I finally got to see "The Blair Witch Project" last night. Scary. Scary, scary, scary. I slept with my lights on last night. In fact, I slept with every damn light in the house on. Even then I had to read myself to sleep. And of course, Max woke me up at 6:30 this morning, scratching and biting at the empty stereo box next to my bed. Of the times for the cat to decide to eat cardboard! I threw him out of my room and shut the door. (Don't ask why I have an empty stereo box next to my bed. You don't want to know.)
As soon as I got home from the theatre I turned on my stereo (loud) and tried to call Brand, but he was sleeping. So I got online and very very slowly started to relax. I made the mistake of leaving the upstairs windows open rather than turning on the air conditioning. In case you haven't heard yet, the biggest part of the movie is about being lost in the woods with someone making strange noises outside your tent. Because Jo, Eric and Justin had a lot of fun teasing me about how scared I was (they had seen it already!), I somehow convinced myself on the way home that they would probably show up at my house to scare me. So of course, I found myself actively listening for noises outside. Every time someone walked past outside or laughed under my window, I got spooked. Couple of times I heard something that I thought might have been them, but I wasn't sure. I asked Jo today, but of course she just gave me a mysterious look and Eric played along with her.
I don't really think they did. I just hope I didn't give them any ideas. In any case. The windows are going to be shut tonight. Like I told someone online last night: "What I don't hear can't come and get me." ;)
I absolutely positively have to do housework this weekend. I really don't want to. Bleah. But, I'm getting ultimatums from Hollingsworth so... that's probably a bad sign. Not that he'll be home this weekend, of course. I'm starting to wonder if the two of us signing the lease for another year was a good idea. Well, no. Untrue. I know it wasn't a good idea. I'm just starting to wonder if it was a liveable bad idea. I guess the question is if it isn't, what, if anything, can I do about it now? I've figured out that I could, technically, afford the rent on the apartment myself, although it'd be far from ideal. I definitely don't want to deal with finding another roommate. I can see trying to get out of the lease turning into a big mess. So... it's possible that I'm stuck until next June. But every day that passes, I'm more and more aware that I really wish I lived alone, Blair Witch or no.
So. What to do? I suppose the wisest course of action right now would be to get my shit together at home in terms of getting everything organized and orderly. Start winnowing through belongings, throwing away things I don't need/don't use anymore. For instance, I know there's at least two boxes that haven't been unpacked since I moved out of Sharon's apartment back in 1996. If I haven't looked at that stuff in three years... it kinda raises the question of whether or not I really need those things anymore. I just... I look at everything that I would need to do to actually move and I feel very very daunted.
The dumbest part of all this is that Hollingsworth and I, for the most part, get along just fine. It has nothing to do with him. It's all me. It's hard to describe really. When I know he's in the house, I just feel... tense. The other night when he was home from work unexpectedly, it threw me off all night. While that tension has been around for a while, I have to be honest and say that it's really increased since I found out he was dating someone else, and since he's been gone (presumably with her) every weekend. I don't know that I'm jealous necessarily. Or maybe I am, I don't know. Either way things are just awkward, and I know that awkwardness is only on my end.
I think too much sometimes. I'm convinced of this.
And if The Banal One doesn't shut up and go home, I'm going to strangle her.
Posted by Lisa at August 6, 1999 04:45 PM
