August 29, 2000
Confidence Crisis
My god. Has it really been nearly a week since I updated? Shame on me! I kept meaning to, but there never seemed to be anything worth writing about going on. I mean, there was, but when there was, I was too out of it to try and write about it. The usual stuff has been going on, work, gaming, a little bit of writing here and there. I'm still waiting to hear about the second draft of the book, but I was warned that it might be a little bit.
Work has been ungodly busy the past couple of days. I mean, ungodly. So ungodly that I fully expect the antichrist to show up at the office any day now. Probably with a shotgun. I mean, he or she is probably one of our customers. Yesterday I took 548 phone calls in nine hours. That is literally a call a minute almost exactly. So far today, with about an hour to go today, I'm at 375 -- wait, 376. There goes the phone. I haven't taken a lunch in two days. Last night I lost my temper at Max, I think because I was so stressed. You see, I managed to bruise the hell out of my forearm bumping it against my cubicle last night. I should take a picture of the welt. When Max was on my lap last night he, as he often does, got irritated with me typing on the keyboard and bit my forearm -- right where I got bruised. I screamed at him and threw him off my lap, then threw a plastic cup at his head (disposable plastic). Then I spent several moments feeling like I was going to cry. It scared me a little. I'm not the type to scream and throw things.
Today has been a little better, I think because I made a point of chilling out last night and getting enough sleep. Then again, I've also got something to distract me today: my audition for the Choral Union is tonight at 7:40. Nervous? Hell yes. Trying to ignore it? You better believe it. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter that much. I mean, it's not like high school or college, where you've got four years to get into this group or that one, and then your chance is gone. This is a 150+ voice choir. I'm thinking there surely can't be 40 or so professional-quality altos in the Ann Arbor area, can there? I mean, I'm not exactly a professional-quality choir alto, but I've got a ton of training and even more experience.
Pardon me while I have a small confidence crisis here. Okay self. If you don't make it this year, there's next year. You're not going anywhere, and the Choral Union isn't going anywhere. I guess what I'm mostly worried about is not doing my best. It's an amazing vicious circle: I get nervous, so I don't sing as well as I can. So next time I get even more nervous. I keep remembering the last several times I've done solos though, and they were all fine. Maybe the first couple notes were shaky, but after that, fine. I'm holding on to that. The sight-reading is the big one. But still, either I get it, or I don't. I know I can sight-read well in a group, if not always alone.
I can do this. I will do this. In about two hours. I'll post an update to this when I get back, if I find out anything.
Posted by Lisa at August 29, 2000 04:47 PM
