June 25, 2001
Guilt In All Its Various Forms
I was a definite homebody this weekend, if not a giant slug. After last week, and with things still being so up in the air here at work, I needed some serious alone time. Granted, I probably should have spent more of that time studying for my last Sociology test tomorrow night or researching and doing background reading for my next writing project (hence the Arthurian books in the sidebar). Instead I played the Sims nearly incessantly. I've hit an awful snag though. With one of my families, the computer locks up at the same game time each time I try to play them. I can't figure it out. There's some sort of glitch going on. It might be one of my drivers, which I tried unsuccessfully to update yesterday.
Lest I give the impression that I was a total pile of inactivity, I did manage to get my laundry done as well as my grocery shopping. And I even cleaned my room. To add to my list of weekend virtues, last night I was even in bed before it was completely dark outside. (Of course, this time of year, it doesn't get completely dark until ten, so that isn't saying much.)
The health kick I started last week is continuing. (Did I go to aerobics on Saturday? No, I was sleeping blissfully. Going tonight, though.) To give the doctor credit, I can tell a difference in the swelling in my legs, which is a good thing. As far as eating is concerned, I've just been trying to eat something other than sugar and grease for breakfasts and lunches -- hence the grocery shopping. I am not on a diet. Let me say that again, as much to remind myself as anything: I am not on a diet. I caught myself falling into diet mentality last week. I think I had a craving for ice cream, and was bummed because I "couldn't have any". Um, no. Once I realized what I was doing I stomped on that thought. It's hard, because I've always equated "eating healthy" with "being on a diet". That probably explains a lot. I'm very all-or-nothing in terms of a lot of things, diet and exercise being just two of them. Back when I did diet I was one of those people who fell all to pieces when I went off the diet, and often started binging, thinking "Well since I messed up already..." So yeah. No diets for Lisa. I don't need the guilt.
Plans for the Tribe 8 book are starting to come together nicely. Last night as I was falling asleep a few more pieces fell into place, and wonder of wonders, I still remembered it all when I woke up this morning. I really need to keep a notebook by my bed, because I'm always having brilliant ideas when I'm asleep or half-asleep. The concern there, is that most of them only seem brilliant because I'm asleep or half-asleep. Like the time travel storyline idea I had early one morning. It was a brilliant idea, and I woke up certain that I'd be able to write up as a game adventure and sell it to one of the big game companies. Then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the reason it was such a brilliant idea was because I had read it just about a week before, in Michael Crichton's Timeline. Not that I'm above lifting stories from other sources (see Harvest of Thorns, Shakespearean retelling that it is), but there's a difference between retelling a classic and directly plagiarizing from something current (not to mention still under copyright).
I worry sometimes, because it seems like so few of my stories could be termed completely "original". Which, surprise surprise, usually makes me feel guilty. (Do you get the sense that I have an overdeveloped sense of guilt yet?) That's silly. I know it is, but it's the same way I feel guilty for writing so many selkie stories. Then, last night, as I was driving home from the grocery store and listening to On Writing, Stephen King talked about getting yelled at in high school for writing "trash" and wasting his talent, and said that he'd often felt guilty for the topics he writes about too. He went on to say that probably most writers (and other creative people) had been told something similar at some point in their lives. I felt much better when I heard that.
Why should I feel guilty for the act of creation, in any form? I don't know either, but it makes about as much sense as everything else I feel guilty for...
Posted by Lisa at June 25, 2001 11:36 AM
