September 01, 1999
Movin' Right Along...
Today is the day of the Amazing Disappearing Receptionists. Funny, when I got here three hours ago, there were five of us. Then T.J. left at noon to start her vacation. Shortly thereafter, Jo and Michelle took off for lunch... we thought. Then there were two. Lisa and the Banal One. One o'clock came and went. Nobody came back. One-thirty came and went. Still nobody. Finally our manager came over and told us Michelle had gone home for the day. This, of course, was news to us. A little bit before two, Jo finally came back from lunch. Yay. So now we're at half-staff instead of one-third staff.
Yes, this has made me a little cranky. It's the first of the month, typically one of our busiest days, since all the good little accountants are trying to get their month-end stuff done. And all the bad little accountants are calling to be grumpy at us because their software isn't working. I'm not a wellspring of patience today.
However, on the good side of things... I found out yesterday that moving out and breaking our lease is going to be much easier than I had originally anticipated. This weekend I'm going to start apartment hunting, as well as cleaning up (a truly Herculean task, trust me) and packing unnecessary things. If all goes well, I should be able to move as early as the end of October.
As excited as I am about this, I'm having a ton of mixed feelings. Talking to Hollingsworth about this has just been odd. He's being terribly understanding, and I end up feeling like a shit. We have conversations like this:
Me: Well, I checked with the office, they say we can move out if we pay a month and a half's rent. That would be about $625 a piece.
H: Okay. Is that what you wanted to do?
Me: [feeling like a heel for 'making' him move] Yeah... I think so.
H: When did you want to do it?
Me: [hemming and hawing] I was thinking as early as the end of October.
H: Oh. Um, all right. I'll have to start saving some money and see if I can find a place to go... [How pitiful sounding is that?!]
Me: [resists urge to tell him to go live with his new girlfriend] Yeah... I'm gonna start looking this weekend. Let me know as soon as you can.
I feel like the bad guy here. I don't think he's consciously trying to make me feel bad. That's never been his style. This is just... weird. Monday night, before I found out how easy it would be to move, I started having some serious second thoughts about this whole thing. I started wondering if maybe Hollingsworth and I couldn't get back together. If somehow I could win him back from this mystery woman. Now... I don't want that, I know I don't. Just for a few moments, grief over what we were reared its head and I started cycling toward denial. Anger I've had a-plenty. And frankly, I'm just scared about moving out and living alone, even though I want to, and even though I know it's the right thing to do.
So I'm psyching myself up for this. Planning how to keep from getting overwhelmed. Thinking about hiring movers rather moving the furniture myself. Breaking everything down into little, little steps. I can do this. I should do this. I will do this.
Posted by Lisa at September 1, 1999 02:02 PM
