Divisions and Precisions

Phenomenal

Warning: I'm mood swinging like mad today, like about once every thirty seconds. I'm hovering back and forth between elation and despair, and I don't know why. It's odd and more than a bit annoying.

This weekend was wonderful. I got to visit with Dawn and Jason, in addition to meeting their friends Alex and Heidi. Most of Saturday was spent gaming. I played Shadowrun for the first time. Interesting game. It's a hybrid between cyberpunk and fantasy. It was more fun than I thought it would be, since I'm not usually into combat-related games. And of course, I got to run my Changeling chronicle. I have no words. I'm still just... high on the whole experience. For the first time, not only was I really into the story I was setting up, but I dragged my three players (Dawn, Jason and Alex) along with me. I was honestly and truly successful in setting up the mood and providing enough tension to keep everyone interested. And to top it off, I had a wonderful time playing all the characters the players ran into. Ham that I am, of course. The players were even more involved than I realized in a few cases, and reacted more strongly to a few things than I had anticipated. This is never a bad thing.

6:53 pm

Jeez. This afternoon got busy on me. My moods seem to have stablized. A little. I'm definitely excited about my game still. Already planning what I'm going to do with the story for next month's game. I got to speak to James a little bit today too, which is always a good thing. A good thing, and something that's getting all too rare now that he's back in school.

And Brand is coming back from his vacation tonight. Yay! I'm not sure when I'll get to talk to him though, or when exactly he's getting home. I suppose I could call his house every hour or so, but that'd be a little obsessive, I think. I just have a lot to tell him! I admit, I'm steeling myself a little too. I know he's going to want to tell me all about Mo. I did really well this week with the jealousy thing. It really didn't bother me much that they were together. Almost made me wonder if I truly am getting over it all. But I'm still a little nervous. I hate the way I act when I'm jealous. I hate knowing that I'm acting jealous, hating how I'm acting but not being able to make myself stop. But what sort of best friend am I if I can't listen to anything about the most important person in his life? (In truth, I'm cringing as I'm writing this, because I know they both read my journal -- but I promised myself I wouldn't self-edit.) Anyway... now that the worst of that is off my chest. I really am looking forward to being able to talk to him again! It's been over a week.

My voice is still half-gone, but I think I figured it out. I had very little problem over the weekend when I was at Dawn and Jason's place. I'm thinking I'm allergic to something at home or at work. I'm going to wait and see this weekend. If it gets better when I'm away from work, then I'll have narrowed it down. And if not, then I'll know it's probably something at home. In any case, I'm tired of only having half a voice!

Today is a two-poem day. I rediscovered a favorite of mine and I simply have to share. This is exactly how I feel on a good day -- which today is threatening to turn into.

Phenomenal Woman Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Yup. That's me. Sometimes. Posted by Lisa at September 13, 1999 03:20 PM