September 27, 1999
Relaxation & Uncertainty
Avoiding work once again, and trying to figure out what's going on in my life.
First though, I had a great weekend. I wrote a journal entry by hand late Friday / early Saturday, which I of course left at home, so I'll have to code it and put it up tomorrow. Dawn and Jason, no matter where they're living, always have the most relaxing house. I'm not sure what it is. Something about the vibe the two of them put off, or something. I was utterly freaked out Friday night, but within an hour of being in their apartment, I was calmer by far. It's carried over. Even though I don't know for sure where I'm going to be living, and even though I haven't started cleaning or packing yet, I'm okay. Everything's going to work out.
I wrote about Friday in the missing entry, so I'll save that. Saturday and Sunday were very lazy days. I learned how to paint miniature figures for a game Jason plays. And I picked up cross-stitching again after several years. And we watched 6.2 movies. The .2 was "You've Got Mail", which we turned off in disgust. It was incredibly annoying. The other ones we watched (in order of how much I enjoyed them) were "Singing in the Rain", "The Frighteners", "Little Shop of Horrors", "Analyze This", "The Running Man", "The Craft". Which is not to say that I hated "The Craft", although it was pretty lame in several parts. "Singing in the Rain" will always be one of my favorites. I love Gene Kelly movies. "The Frighteners" was a pleasant surprise. Very pleasant. It was a very fun movie. It gave me several ideas for some possible role-playing plot and scene ideas. I hadn't seen "Little Shop of Horrors" in years. The soundtrack alone is so much fun. It's been added to the list of CDs I want -- a list that's growing very large. "Analyze This" was essentially Billy Crystal and Robert DeNiro being themselves, but it was fairly humorous to watch. "The Running Man" wasn't bad, but the writers were trying too hard to give Arnold a funny line each time he killed somebody. It was your basic 'blow stuff up' movie, with some interesting ideas about the media and the public thrown in almost as a side effect. "The Craft"... well... I was entertained. If nothing else, the four actresses were nice to look at, and I kinda thought Neve Campbell did a good job at being shy. The magical ideas in it were crap, but I expected as much. Like I told Dawn and Jason, "This is not a movie about witchcraft. This is a movie about four disturbed teenage girls who are trying to reclaim some of their power." They just choose a really unwise way to do it.
Beyond that, I painted seven piggies. Er, miniature boars, that is. Little figures that will eventually end up with a goblin glued to their back so they can ride off into a pretend battle. I'm more artistic than I realized, which is kinda cool. And I can't believe that after years and years I've started doing counted cross-stitch again. I used to do it all the time. It was sort of a cool thing to do when I was in college at David Lipscomb. Of course, it was nice and quiet and very feminine, after all -- which could be why I quit doing it for so long. Well, that and it was also a big SCA thing, and I've gotten away from that too.
I quite simply can't wait to get settled in my new place. I'm scared, but I'm excited (okay, how many times have I said that?). Actually, for right now, I'd be happy to figure out where my new place is. My two options are the apartment complex I originally was looking at, and as it turns out, Sheri still is trying to sell her mobile home not far from here. It's a nice place, and the lot rent + house payment would be about what I would be paying for rent. The idea of owning a place scares me to death. It's a responsibility I'm not sure I want, although I know it would be good for me. I think what scares me the most is the idea of failing miserably and making a mess of the place. What do I know from house maintenance? Or lawn maintenance? What do I know from being a grown-up? I'm not a grown-up yet!
And yet I hear Brand taunting me again, "How old are you now, Lisa?" Yeah yeah, I'm twenty-freaking-seven years old and I'm irresponsible and I need to change. I'm just so afraid of trying to change AGAIN (it's not like I haven't tried before) and failing AGAIN. Or even worse, I'm afraid of actually changing and somehow losing the parts of me I really like to the gods of adulthood.
Afraid of failure, more afraid of success. Story of my life.
Posted by Lisa at September 27, 1999 01:49 PM
