Divisions and Precisions

would u like to chat???

It's only Tuesday, and it's already been a long week.

I've been moderately cranky for the past couple days, for a few obvious and not so obvious reasons. All I have to say is this: if you're male, you don't understand the utterly infuriating feeling of getting caught by surprise by irregular events that are supposed to be regular while wearing brand new underwear. Listen! Can you hear it? That's the sound of male readers fleeing: Oh god! She's talking about periods! Heh.

Well, as a result of all this hormonal joyfulness, I've been rather bitchy. Here's what happens when Lisa gets bored and gets an annoying random ICQ message from an annoying random stranger. Note that all errors have been left intact.

AnnoyingGuy:	Hi there, 27 male from Southfield, MI here, would u like to chat???
Alianora:	That depends, are you capable of typing out full words instead of just letters and can you use only one punctuation mark at a time? :)
AnnoyingGuy:	i can try
AnnoyingGuy:	and I can type with one hand too :0)
Alianora:	How talented you must be then.
AnnoyingGuy:	you can guess
AnnoyingGuy:	how about you..can u do that
Alianora:	Why would I want to?
AnnoyingGuy:	that is a good question...u never want to????
Alianora:	I fail to see how typing one-handed has any sort of appeal. I type much faster with both hands.
AnnoyingGuy:	i was just trying to be a little kinky thats all....no offence pls.
Alianora:	Why would you want to be kinky with someone you know nothing about?
AnnoyingGuy:	isnt that mystry kinda exciting
Alianora:	How exciting would it be to discover that I'm a 13 year old girl and my parents are reading everything you send me?
AnnoyingGuy:	than I will appologize for being like that from them. and ask you to change your profile as it says that u r a 27 years old girl....
Alianora:	I'm using my aunt's account.
AnnoyingGuy:	then u should have told me first...but anyway I appologize again.Sorry about that and bye.

Well, I thought it was funny at least. Although, I did find it particularly obnoxious that he tried to blame me for his mistake at the end. That's the point of randomly messaging someone: you never know who you're talking to.

Attention internet users: "Chat" is not a euphemism for a lame, poorly spelled sexual conversation with a stranger. Thank you.

But seriously... I've been thinking about a lot of different things lately. I've always been mistaken for being older than I am. When I was a kid, I looked older, and acted older. Now that I'm an adult, people think I'm younger than I am. Now.. normally that'd be a great thing, right? Except I realized why. As much as I've always considered myself a very mature person, I'm not nearly as mature as I think I am. In many ways, and in many areas, I lack a certain amount of emotional maturity. That was really hard to say. But it's true. Especially where romantic relationships are concerned. I don't know how to date someone. I don't know how two people have a healthy relationship and keep it going. Hollingsworth and I were a 'healthy relationship' in many ways for the first year or so.

Since my divorce, every relationship (or even, for lack of a better word, pseudo-relationship) I've had started online. I'm not sure what to make of that. Is there something so... off-putting about me face to face that in order for someone to fall in love with me, they can't see me first? Possible, but I think it's more likely that I'm more comfortable meeting people in that setting, because I'm -- like it or not -- self-conscious about my appearance around people who don't know me.

Then there's my overwhelming need to have someone to fixate on romantically. No matter what, it's like I have to be in love with someone. I am happy to say that as of right now, I am getting much better. I don't feel like I'm fixated on anyone right now. That doesn't mean there aren't people that I care about or that I 'have feelings for'. There's a difference. I'm not fixated. There is no one currently who fills my mind night and day. For the first time in a long time. I like it. I like it a lot. I hope I can keep it this way. I feel... mentally clean.

I'm kinda fixated on me, I guess. Going through a period of self-evaluation. Again. Every time I think I'm done, the cycle starts over again. Whee! Posted by Lisa at November 9, 1999 05:04 PM