November 19, 1999
Rabbit Season
Back on M-Net we used to call them rabbits.
What is it about random people sending me ICQ messages lately? I keep checking my profile to see if it somehow says, "I'm female and I'm horny and I love guys who can't spell!" It doesn't, so why do people keep assuming that? Today I realized what it is. You see, among men who like to use 'u' instead of 'you' and 'r' instead of 'are' (as in 'r u horny?'), avoid the shift key and go heavy on the punctuation, there is a universal law:
If a female is on the internet, it can only be because she wants cybersex. From you, baby.There is no denying the universal law. I had a brief glimmer of hope today, however. I received a message out of the blue that simply said, "intelligent and sexual male for your erotic pleasure". My standard response to respond with something confused, like, "What makes you think I'm interested in that?" Today, the gentleman on the other end was relatively clueful. I started questioning him on why he thought that approach would work, and it evolved into a fairly intelligent conversation. Although, he did keep trying to steer the conversation back to sex. After an exchanging ICQ messages for about an hour, he wanted to meet me. Because he wants someone to have sex with.
So much for the hope.
In other news today, I'm feeling much better. I did a lot of thinking about my downswing in the early part of the week, and I realized a lot of things. First of all, I've been on an incredible high for nearly a month since moving. It was inevitable that the pendulum would eventually swing back the other way. Also, I'm dealing with being emotionally self-reliant for the first time ever. It's a great thing, but it's a little scary. And when things get a little scary, my brain sometimes gets a little wonky in self-defense.
It sort of works like this: Lisa starts to feel complete unto herself. This makes part of Lisa (which doesn't like change at all, nopenopenope) very uncomfortable. That part starts to panic, pulling the sabotage lever. "See," it cries, "we really can't do this!" Fortunately, even unconsciously, I'm aware of my tendency to try and create my own self-fulfilling prophecy. The closer I get to real change, the harder part of me fights it. So, I can judge from the severity of my reaction to something just how close I am to a (how I hesitate to use this word) breakthrough. Resistance is not only futile, it's very Freudian.
Freudian wordplay. I love me.
Posted by Lisa at November 19, 1999 05:14 PM
