November 12, 1998
Everybody else is doing it...
There's something intriguing and tempting and scary about posting really personal thoughts online. I mean, I've kept journals before, who hasn't? Sometimes I've even shown entries to people. Since I seem to communicate so much better through a keyboard lately, maybe this is the way to go.
It's been an interesting couple of weeks. Relationships changing, splitting off, reforming and making new shapes. Change. Lots and lots of change. Well, it's that time of year. A time for saying goodbyes, endings and new beginnings. I went to a Samhain ritual on the 31st, but last night in the Arb was really Samhain for me. I sat under the warrior oak and sang "Love Will Come to You" mostly just because it seemed right. And as James would probably say, it's all about doing what feels right. And I said goodbye. Goodbye to a lot of negative shit, to a lot of things that were only weighing me down. High winds can make anything seem lighter I guess.
What defines a spiritual experience? I used to know, or I thought I did. I'm starting to think that any experience that makes me stop and think about something really fundamental to who I am, is spiritual. They're happening a lot lately. From sitting and singing an Indigo Girls song after midnight in the middle of a windstorm to sitting in a hot tub looking at a fireplace. Maybe I've just been more introspective lately. Good day though. Nice to see some things resolving themselves.
And I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two
And I wish her insight, to battle love's blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scatter
Learn to pretend there's more than love that matters.
You know, love is what matters, it just all depends on what kind of love you mean. Maybe that's what I learned this week: how to exchange one kind of love for another. To let go of the kind that was hurting.
