Divisions and Precisions

You Only Hurt the Ones You Love

Not sure what to say tonight. I think I'm losing one of my best friends and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm not sure there is anything to do about it. I think we've been drifting for a couple weeks now, and tonight was a real wowzer of a fight. I'm just tired. I want things to go back the way they were, and I know they can't. I know he doesn't want them to. I love him dearly, but I can't seem to say or do anything right. All of the problems are my fault, and it's all because I don't understand him anymore and I don't try to understand him. If I dare have the audacity to suggest that maybe we might both be at fault here... well, I haven't said that yet. I'm afraid to.

Part of me just wants to wallow in self-pity.

Part of me just wants to get completely pissed off and rant and rave.

Part of me just wants to give up and let go, let him go.

And part of me just wants to sit here and cry.

The last one is winning out right now.

Everyone is angry and no one is listening and something very important is withering. And maybe I'm being melodramatic, but god DAMN it, I hurt right now.

I started writing this tonight to try and untangle my thoughts from my feelings, to maybe arrive at a clearer point of view. I'm just making myself more tired, and my vision's none too clear at the moment.

No snappy ending sentence. I just want to go back to where I was. Where we were.