December 15, 1998
Open Letter to a Friend
(Warning: this is a very subjective point of view. If you don't like it, deal. I'm not a happy kind of person today.)
Conflict. I hate conflict. I don't deal well with it. I never have. It makes me sick to my stomach. Rather than have people upset with me, I'll apologize for things that aren't my fault and swallow my pride. You can only swallow so much of it until you have none left. You can only be taken for granted so many times before something finally snaps. I'm tired of being the one at fault. I'm tired of being given ultimatums and threats.
You hurt me. Congratulations. Not like that's an especially hard thing for you to do. You do it well, and lately, you do it fairly often. I've seen patterns forming, and they're not good patterns.
I can disagree with you, as long as I accept that my opinions are inferior to yours.
I can get upset with you, as long as I'm prepared to get my ass torn into by you verbally.
I can do something you don't like, as long as I accept that you're going to criticize me for it.
At first, I kept I writing it off as your personality. You're a sarcastic kind of person. I can accept that to a point. But I have been the target for your sarcastic, contemptuous comments one too many times. Today was the end. Based on your comments today, I can only conclude that you have little to no respect for me as a person. You chose to not even do me the courtesy of allowing me to explain the viewpoint that had you so upset. I'm posting this in part because I don't know that I could even get it across to you another way, without getting even more hurt. I know you're stressed, and I know you were angry, but the things you said to me today were uncalled for.
I'm not apologizing this time. I did nothing to you to warrant an apology. Mistakes were made on my part and those mistakes have been dealt with. I love you, but I can't deal with this kind of one-sided relationship anymore. You're my friend still, but I'm stepping back. You know where I am, and you know how to reach me. I hope you choose to, but after today, I somehow have my doubts.
