Divisions and Precisions

Next on Geraldo... Precognitive Moms!

This might end up being sort of stream-of-consciousness... I've had a lot of things on my mind lately, and I have no idea what's going to come out here. You've been warned. My mom called me today before I got to work, and left voice mail for me. She sounded worried, but insisted that there was nothing wrong. So, I called her back, got her voice mail. Ten minutes later she called. "So what's up?" I finally asked, and after a pause, she asked about the mole I have on my cheek. She sounded almost... sheepish. After hemming and hawing, she finally admitted that she's been dreaming about me again. My mom and dreams. I have long maintained that my mother is precognitive, but only where I'm concerned. It's a mom thang. When I was living in Tennessee, she would always call when things were their bleakest, because she was dreaming about me again. In fact, shortly before I left my ex-husband, my mother, my aunt, and my grandmother all had bad dreams about me. It was a little weird.

Suffice to say, when my mother calls and tells me she's been dreaming about me, I usually assume I'm overlooking something wrong with me. Either that, or I feel guilty, because there is something wrong with me, and I've been hiding it from her. That was usually the case when I was at the beginning of a depressive episode. She'd always know it before I told her, even if I was living 600 miles away. Well, I'm not depressed, really, but I have been sort of in the dumps lately. I'm wondering if that's what she's picking up. At any rate, she doesn't think so. What she's fixated on is the mole on my cheek. It's an icky mole that sprouts hairs, and I hate it. Mom has it in her head that it's the beginning of skin cancer. I guess she and my grandmother both had something similar. So, I'm off to start calling doctors. Again, better safe than sorry. Mom usually picks up on what's wrong with me.

In the dumps. Oh yeah. It might just be a hormone thing, or a sick thing, since I'm just getting well. I've been a bit paranoid. I think a friend of mine is lying to me. In fact, I'm pretty sure they are. However, I can't bring it up to them. I found out the truth by snooping where I shouldn't have snooped. How can I say, "Hey, I know you're lying and here's why.."? I was wrong in what I did. Doesn't change the hurt feeling, though. It's one of those cases where the lie itself was intended to protect my feelings. That almost makes it worse. So I've been paranoid. I'm curious, if any of you have been in a similar situation, where you find someone out in a lie through an unscrupulous action of your own. What did you do? How did you deal with it? If you want to share your story, email me from the link below. I'm kinda stuck on this one.

Also been way too jealous lately. I'm getting over it though. I think. Well, either I'm getting over it or it's being replaced by apathy. Either way, it doesn't hurt as much anymore.

I think I'd be happy if I could just get that goddamned Britney Spears song out of my head. Bleah. I'm so ashamed. I've been liberally dosing myself with intelligent music in hopes of driving it away.

Oh, and go to your comic store and get the first issue of Aria, from Image Comics. The second issue is supposed to be out today. I haven't found it yet. You'll get a good glimpse into the Changeling world. Or at least, my vision of it. If you want more info on Aria, go check out the web page for Avalon Studios. It's a pretty cool site.

If only I could just stop singing...

     My loneliness is killing me
     I must confess, I still believe (still believe)...

ARGH!!