January 13, 2001
A few musings on the
A few musings on the nature of power and hidden talents, from a MUSH conversation with Brand:
Fate emailed a few coworkers about the Intertext thing, like Eric. Jennifer found out about it, and after reading the story, had a bunch of questions for me, like, "Is this a part of something bigger? Is there more history about the stuff that happened at Cill Dara?" I didn't tell a lot of people about it, because I didn't want all these strait-laced accountant-types thinking I was a freak (I know I'm not, but I hate the feeling of knowing someone didn't /get/ it, you know?), but Jen was so interested that I ended up giving her the link to the writing part of my website so she could read the rest of what's up there.Do we sound like egotistical assholes? I suppose we might. I'm finding that I don't care, though. Sometimes when you've spent a lot of time being beat down, you need to have a small core of egotism just to survive.
Fate says "The funny thing is, Jen is the daughter of the woman I originally named Jake after, so I had to explain that to her too, for when she came across her mom's name. :)"
The Seed hehs. "That is cool."
Fate says "That made me feel really good, to know that I have this set of stories that someone who knows nothing about gaming or Changeling or anything was interested in."
Fate feels better just for talking about it.
The Seed grins.
The Seed says "You should, that really is an accomplishment."
Fate says "It was weird though. I mean, it felt good, but it also made me feel sort of naked, you know?"
The Seed nods, "People reading your stuff will do that. Wait till Harvest comes out."
Fate says "Like I was saying, "Okay, here's this side of me that most people around here don't know about.""
The Seed nods, "It's funny. It's like when I'm in the teachers lounge at lunch at school, and all the teachers are talking about their lives -- none of them have any idea about me, or about writing, or anything like that.
Fate nods, "Exactly. I mean, it's weird. It doesn't freak me out that total strangers read my website, or that they're going to read my book... but it makes me nervous that my coworkers are going to read my stuff. I guess because I have to interact with them on a daily basis, and I'm not sure if my writing will change their perspective of me, and if so, how.
The Seed nods, "True. The thing it always makes me wonder is this -- what things do those around us do/have that we have no clue about?"
Fate says "Yup. Exactly."
The Seed knows that when he sits at Church no one has any idea that he's a published poet, author, and internet geek who plays the horned god of the woods. But some of the others have stuff too, he knows one member of his ward writes music, some of which has sold and been on movies, and another sculpts in marble... and no one knows about it really.
Fate says "It's funny though, how keeping those things a secret can be a source of power. I mean, I was just realizing how often my writing makes me feel better, like now... but sometimes it's a case of thinking of someone or something that's making me feel small or bad or whatever, and thinking, "Well fuck you, I'm a writer and you don't even know it.""
The Seed grins and nods, "Yep."
Fate says "I'm glad that's not just me. :)"
The Seed has done that when he talks with people, especially teachers, who look down at him for being "just a sub". He thinks 'Yeah, fucker? You think you're something? I'm working on my PhD and am a published author, poet, and essayist."
Fate says "YES! I do the same thing with the "just a receptionist" crap I get."
The Seed nods, "Totally."
Fate says "There's just this weird power that comes from "I'm doing something you'll never do, and you're so pitiful that I'm not even going to tell you about it.""
The Seed grins and nods, "It is a case of I have power, and I have such confidence in the power that you don't even need to know about it for it to put me beyond your touch."
Fate says "Puny mortal."
Fate says "Fear the wrath of my mighty keyboard."