April 06, 2001
What a Wonderful World
Some things are worth waiting a lifetime for.
I first met Jason when we were in eighth grade, in an advanced math class. I was twelve years old. We weren't exactly friends from the start, more like acquaintances bearing the same cross -- our classmates. That as much as anything gave us a little bit of camaraderie. Dawn moved to our district a year later, when we were all freshmen in high school. Dawn and I were best friends almost from the start. By our senior year, we were nearly inseparable. That was the year Jason and Dawn were hanging out together a lot, so we became a trio. It was arguably the best year of school for me, because I'd finally found my crowd, with the three of us at the center of it. By the end of the year, Dawn and Jason were dating. They went to college in Michigan, I went to Tennessee. Throughout the next several years, communication was sporadic, but never gone completely. I got married, they got engaged. Dawn was in my wedding, I was in theirs. I got divorced and moved back to Michigan, and we started seeing each other more often. They moved to Indiana after finishing up school, and communication got sporadic again. Then they came back to Michigan about a year and a half ago, and things have been solid ever since.
Before they came back to Michigan, they were trying to have a baby -- or rather they "weren't not trying", I think was how we put it. "Not not trying" progressed to actively trying which progressed to going to a fertility clinic. They were nervous and hopeful and a whole host of emotions I'm sure I can't explain. Their friends offered support as best they could. Finally after tests and more tests, the doctors started with some simple procedures last summer, mostly to help nature along rather than to control it. I remember last summer Jason was sent out of the country for work, and Dawn was upset because it coincided precisely with her "best time". But, like all things that were meant to be, Jason got to come home early. A few weeks later, they called me on the phone and started calling me Aunt Lisa.
I was so happy for the two of them. When they asked me to be in the delivery room with them, back in January, I was so happy I nearly cried. A few weeks ago, Dawn developed high blood pressure and was put on bed rest, with the knowledge that they might decide to induce labor early. The weeks passed, and the baby -- a little boy already named Justin -- reached full term. Finally last Tuesday her doctor decided to go ahead and induce labor. When Dawn called to tell me, my first urge was to jump in the car and drive out to their house, even though she wouldn't even be starting the process until the next day. I restrained myself, and drove out to the hospital to meet them Wednesday night.
Dawn had already started the process but wasn't really in labor, just sort of gearing up for it. (Yes, I know the technical terms for what exactly was going on, but that might be a little too much information for some folks, and besides, Dawn might not want all the details posted for the world to see.) The three of us sat around her room laughing and talking, anticipation hanging in the air above our heads. Not just in Dawn's room, either. The entire maternity section of the hospital was full of nothing but nervous anticipation. We talked about the plan for the next day, then Jason and I went back to their house to crash for the night.
Thursday morning came bright and sunny. After battling rush hour downtown traffic and blinding sun, Jason and I got to the hospital a little after eight, only to find that Dawn was already tucked away in one of the labor/delivery rooms. It was a nice private room with big windows, painted in soothing colors with soothing artwork (including one rather appropriately representational painting of an orchid). There were several chairs, including a rocker/recliner. There was a TV that never got turned on and an incubator in the corner, all ready and waiting. We settled in and not too long after, the nurse started an IV of Pitocen, a drug that sort of jumpstarts the labor process. Dawn had contractions off and on all morning, but they were mild and the three of us sat around talking and joking, as usual. One time when Jason left the room, I looked at her and said, "You're so calm. Are you really as calm as you're acting?" And she was. She was so beautiful, with this maternal glow about her.
At about eleven, Jason suggested that he and I eat lunch in shifts. I went first, only to come back and learn that not five minutes after I left, Dawn's water broke. She said she felt something like a baby kick (although it was probably more likely a punch), and then there it was. Way to go, Justin, punching his way out of the womb! I was so disappointed to have missed it, but better me than Jason. We managed to push him out the door to go eat before things got any busier.
And they did get busier. After Jason came back, Dawn's contractions got stronger, more regular. She stopped being able to talk through them and started working on her breathing. We fell into a rhythm. With each contraction, Jason would hold her hand (read: she would squeeze the living daylights out of his hand) or rub her tummy (or both), and I would rub her feet. It sounds funny, but she said it really helped. Then between contractions I massaged her legs to help keep her relaxed while she rested. She was insistent that she didn't want an epidural at all. Finally around 2:30 the pain was strong enough that she asked for a painkiller. She got one through her IV, and there was almost an immediate difference. Rather than whimpering during a contraction, she was much more relaxed and in control of the process. She was able to rest between contractions better.
Around four or so she started to go into what's called transitional labor. Transitional labor is the hard, painful part, where the woman is likely to be screaming for the blood of the man who impregnated her. Not Dawn. We kept working together. I moved up to her other side so she had two hands to squeeze, and at times all three of us were focused on breathing in rhythm through each contraction. She was obviously in a lot of pain, but she dealt with it and fought it. Things were so intense. All three of us had moments of snippishness, but irritability was at a minimum. When the first dose of painkiller wore off, she got another one. We just kept on going, until Dawn started feeling the urge to push. The nurses said she still wasn't quite ready for that, so we held on some more.
Finally at about 6:15, the nurse examined Dawn and told her she was ready to go and to start pushing whenever she wanted. It was like a bomb went off in the room. Things burst into a flurry of motion. The doctor came in, gowns were donned, the bed raised and all sorts of dressings placed everywhere. Jason started to cry and said, "This is it, honey, this is what we've waited eight years for!" I started to cry at that. That particular storm soon passed, and Jason and I were given the job of holding Dawn's feet up while she pushed, me on her left side and Jason on her right. Good god, did that girl push. With everyone in the room urging her on, she went through the most teeth-grinding, face-clenching, full-body effort I've ever seen. There didn't seem to be a lot of pain, just superhuman effort. I found out that some women push for hours. I can't imagine that much effort sustained for that long of a time. Apparently Dawn couldn't either, because despite Justin's best efforts (he was difficult and wanted to come out face up rather than face down), she gave birth to him at 6:59 pm.
Justin proved nearly as stubborn after birth as before, because despite being rosy and pink and perfect, he didn't cry for a minute or two, nearly giving his aunt, at least, a heart attack. I managed to take several pictures of him in the first ten minutes of his life, including the one at the top of this entry. Jason and I got Justin-footprints on our arms after the nurse did his birth certificate. Finally it was all over, everything tidied up and all of the staff filing out one by one. Dawn finally got to hold her boy. I nearly cried then as well, just as I did when Jason got to hold him. Then I got to hold him, this little perfect bundle of human being that I had just watched come into the world. He looked back at me with newborn-dark eyes, his fine dark hair lighter than Jason's but darker than Dawn's. He has Dawn's nose and chin for certain. He'd been fussing a little, still overwhelmed by the change in his environment, but when I held him, he stopped. Dawn joked about my magic touch.
It was a little surprising, all the emotions I felt from then on. My heart was singing with pride and with bliss, but ached a little, because as parental as I felt, I'm not his parent. I felt intensely protective and worried, all the things that might possibly go wrong someday flashing through my mind at once. I know all the cliches about the "miracle of birth", but sometimes cliches exist for a reason. That two people can create a third is amazing to me. Justin is part Dawn and part Jason, but he's also his own little person, something completely new in the world. That floors me.
I felt a part of something powerful and special that day. And I was, more than I realized. Last spring, the three of us went to a local "new age" bookstore and looked around for a bit. The woman behind the counter was displaying a new Tarot deck (the Faery Wicca deck, I think) and was giving away sample cards. We weren't interested in the deck itself, but Dawn and I looked over the individual cards. I came across a card called the Mother Goddess -- their equivalent of the Empress, a major fertility card. I handed it to Dawn and told her it was hers, that she should keep it for luck. Yesterday, when Dawn's labor was getting really painful, Jason pulled the card from her bag and tucked it into the pocket of her hospital gown, saying "She's watched over you through all of this, she'll help you now." After Justin was born, I found out that not only did Dawn keep the card and bring it to the hospital with her, but it stayed on the headboard of their bed pretty much since I gave it to her. That did make me cry, as if I had given them a magic charm to watch over them through this entire process and they had cherished it.
Welcome, Justin. We've been waiting for you for a long time.
Justin Matthew was born last
Justin Matthew was born last night at 6:59 pm. He weighed 7 lbs, 3 oz and is 19 3/4 inches long. Mom and baby (and dad) are all doing very well. I'm exhausted. I can only imagine how tired Dawn is this morning. Expect an entry later today, with pictures. Congratulations, Jason and Dawn. :)
