May 30, 2002
Leave it to Brunching Shuttlecocks
Leave it to Brunching Shuttlecocks to put my thoughts into succinct words and pictures:
May 29, 2002
I may post more on
I may post more on this later, possibly a full entry, but... I lost my job yesterday. The hows and the whys don't belong here, but general consensus among the folks who know is that I got screwed. I'm still processing how I feel about it and what it means to me. Overall I'm trying to tell myself it's a positive thing. I mean, I'd been waffling about my future anyway, right? Formulating a plan right now. Once I have it, maybe I'll share.
Guess I shouldn't have been so happy about quiet time at work...
May 23, 2002
Quiet time at work, so
Quiet time at work, so I'm taking lots of quizzes. (And doing writing research.) I'm more mentally healthy than I thought, apparently! These are my results from a personality disorder test:
-- Click Here To Take The Test --
May 22, 2002
which children's storybook character
I was hoping I would be Max from Where the Wild Things Are. Max is my hero.
May 20, 2002
This one courtesy of Dayna. What can I say, I've got an hour left at work to kill.
Fad you wish you had never bought into: Jelly shoes, in middle school. Those things were damned uncomfortable.
City you would next like to live in: Ann Arbor. I've lived in the area for years now, but I haven't lived within city limits since 1996. I love this town.
Food you used to love and now can't stand: White Castle hamburgers. They say if you get really drunk and hungover once, you'll never drink again. Lemme tell you, there is such a thing as a White Castle hangover.
Childhood idol: I can't honestly remember one. Maybe Laura Ingalls Wilder. I read the heck out of the Little House books, and thought she was the greatest writer ever.
Biggest leap of faith: Leaving Tennessee and my husband to go back home to my mom, not sure I'd be coming back, not sure if I wanted to, but knowing I couldn't stay.
Worst job that I've had: I once worked for three days in a literal sweatshop in Tennessee. About 75 women were crammed into a tiny, airless, dark shop, hunched over sewing machines making cheap clothes for the big stores. My job was cutting elastic between pairs of shorts. By the end of the first day, I had a blister on my thumb from the shears, I was dehydrated from the 90+ degree temperatures inside, and I'd spent the day dodging horseflies and wasps that flew around, not to mention the other critters hiding in piles of half-finished clothing. On the third day, I went out to my car for my lunch break and never went back. I realized then that some people spend their whole lives at jobs like that, and it horrified and terrified me.
Least favorite drug: Hrm. Lo-Ovral, the birth control pill. Had a nasty reaction to it once.
Least favorite slang word: beeyotch
Guilty pleasure tv show: E! True Hollywood Stories
Favorite song in eighth grade: Um... "Mr. Roboto" by Styx.
Cd or tape you are most ashamed of: Any of my Richard Marx tapes.
Favorite screen couple: Christian and Satine from Moulin Rouge.
Most hated celebrity: Oprah Winfrey -- that woman sets fat acceptance back ten years every time she decides to diet.
First crush: Hrm. The first ones I remember were in about 4th grade. I had a crush on two Mikes. Mike Siegal and Mike McElyea. I don't think either of them really knew I was alive.
Favorite halloween costume: When I cheated and wore my SCA garb to various Halloween parties. Wench garb goes over very well with goth guys. ;)
First concert: I got to see The Monkees when I was a freshman in high school. Like Dayna, my friend (also named Dana) and I took a big bedsheet we'd decorated with our love for the Monkees, but security wouldn't let us hang it over the railing.
Ever seen a ghost? No, but I've felt one.
First friend: Jeff. I was four, and I was the only one who could see him. (*eyes the above question* Hm...)
Favorite Simpsons character: I rarely watch it, but I'd have to say Lisa.
Re-occurring dreams: When I was in high school, I used to have nightmares about shooting up my school like at Columbine, but this, obviously, was years before that happened. In my dreams, part of me coldbloodedly shot everyone I saw, while a part of my mind was frantic and screamed for me to stop, that I was doing a horrible thing and ruining my life. They were very disturbing dreams.
Favorite playground equipment: Birkenstock Elementary had this great piece of climbing equipment. It had a big platform about six feet off the ground, with a long wide wooden slide coming off it, and beneath it was sort of a fort area. We used that thing as a castle, as a ship, as a house... it was a perfect place to roleplay as kids.
Number of first cousins: 11, off the top of my head. I'm not quite sure how many kids some of my mom's seven brothers and sisters had.
Name of freshman year dorm: Fanning for the first semester, and Elam for the second, both at Lipscomb University in Nashville.
Summer camp: I went to two, Camp Iroquois, and the Michigan Christian Youth Camp. I don't remember much about it.
Wasn't that fun?
This is going to be
This is going to be me at the rate I'm going, I swear.
May 19, 2002
Heehee. If you've seen "Attack
Heehee. If you've seen "Attack of the Clones", go check out today's Foxtrot.
May 17, 2002
Moving In/Moving On
Well, here I am, almost at the halfway point for my current lease. I can't believe I've been in this apartment for almost six months, but it's really true. (And I still haven't gotten around to posting those pictures of the apartment. Shame on me!) I'm pleased to report that things are still going well. Going back to school will put a bit of a dent in my savings, but only temporarily. I've had six whole months of living like a real, live adult, and I like it. Good thing, too, cause I think my time of kid-dom is gone for good.
I was pretty nervous when I moved in back in January. I wasn't completely sure I was ready to live on my own again. Living with my parents, despite any inconveniences, was very secure, and in a lot of ways, very easy. I could deal with the fact that I was 29 and living in my parents' spare bedroom by telling myself that I was putting myself through school. I didn't have to worry about housework or cooking or much of anything, and I got pretty lazy. Even aside from laziness, the year and a half I spent living on my own before that had pretty much been a disaster. I couldn't make ends meet, I couldn't keep my house up, I couldn't keep much of anything together. I didn't move into my parents' house in December 2000. I retreated to it.
So even though everything seemed to tell me it was time for me to move out back in January, I just wasn't sure if I could deal with it.
Not only have I dealt with it, I'm doing even better than I'd hoped. I had dinner at my house this past Sunday, for Mother's Day. When my mom and stepdad and aunt and uncle were there, I was so proud of myself. Not just for cooking a tasty dinner (which I did, go me), but for keeping my life in decent enough order that the thought of throwing a family dinner didn't send me into a tizzy. I don't have to panic when someone wants to come over. I don't freak out everytime the phone rings, thinking it's a bill collector. God help me, I'm actually repairing my credit.
In short, I'm doing all of the things I thought I was ready to do back when I got married at nineteen. Hey, it's only taken me eleven years to grow up from that! I guess you could say I've moved on.
The decade between my marriage and my moving out from my parents' (again) was my real adolescence, in a way. I learned a lot about what the real world was like when I was married, and I learned how to retreat from it, to hide from it behind an illness I didn't fully understand, much less realize I had. When I left my marriage, there came several years of relearning what the world was like, and learning how to fight my depression. Somewhere in there, I decided I was all better, and that I was really grown up. I wasn't, of course, and I wound up in the mess that was 2000.
Looking back on my perspective of six months, spending a year living with my parents was absolutely the best thing I could have done. I spent that time regrouping in every aspect of my life: financially, emotionally, physically, mentally. I started back to school. I re-established a close relationship with my mom, which is one of the best things about my life right now. 2001 was a hard year. Losing Grandma last summer was horrible, but in its way as well, it was an incredibly positive experience for me as a person. Throughout the course of the year, I learned to trust myself again, to have faith in myself. It's ironic, isn't it, that I had to move in with my parents in order to grow up?
By moving in to my apartment, I was ready to prove to myself that I really had moved on from the eternal fuckup image I had of myself in my twenties. It feels very appropriate that this sort of demarcation between two different times in my life should fall so close to my 30th birthday. I started my twenties as a scared, often depressed young wife who didn't really have any business being married and wasn't sure what she was going to do with her life. I'm starting my thirties (in less than two months now!) as a confident woman who, while she still has hangups and neuroses, knows where she wants to go and is working to get there.
Dear god. Just imagine what I might become in my forties!
(This entry is all about me being On Display.)
May 14, 2002
Aw. When he's not making
Aw. When he's not making me giggle hysterically at his "You're trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson" commercials for E!, Dustin Hoffman is out saving seals. You all know, of course, I approve.
May 10, 2002
Maybe this is what Stonehenge
Maybe this is what Stonehenge was really all about...
Then, like Howard Carter stumbling on the tomb of Tutankhamen, you experience a serious rush of exhilaration, aggravated by a serious case of the heebie-jeebies, as you realize that you've just chanced on a history-making breakthrough, a discovery of earthshaking significance.
May 09, 2002
I Want Candy cuz My Achy Breaky Heart Has Never Been to Me
Cable TV is rotting my brain. It seems like I can't go past E! or VH1 without stopping to stare like trailer trash gawking at a tornado (well, okay, unless it's a fashion show -- that I can skip). This week VH1 is running a series of shows on the top 100 one hit wonders. I watched three hours' worth last night. That's sixty one hit wonders, y'all. All in my brain. Lemme share a few.
99. "No Rain" by Blind Melon: Remember the bee girl video? I could have sworn these guys weren't a one hit wonder, but I can't for the life of me remember a second song they released.
97. "Whoomp! There It is" by Tag Team: Remember how clever it was to use this phrase? Then remember how everybody said "Whoomp, there it went"? Heck, even Tag Team did a parody by that name. The sign of a true one hit wonder: when you can make fun of yourself.
94. "What's Up" by Four Non-Blondes: I seem to be stuck on songs from 1993. I have gone through cycles of loving and hating this song. I hated it when I first heard it, but as I started to go through my alterna-goth phase, I started to like it. Hey, if nothing else, it's fun to sing along to.
91. "Electric Avenue" by Eddy Grant: Dude! How is this ranked so low? This was like, one of the greatest 80s songs ever. Can you even look at the title without hearing the chorus in your head? Sure, nobody knows what the rest of the song is about, but -- that chorus!
89. "Achy, Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus: I'm ashamed to admit, I loved this song. I was married and into country at the time, and I think Gary wanted more than anything to grow a mullet just like Billy Ray. Did you know Billy Ray has his own show on PAX now? It's kinda scary.
85. "Spirit in the Sky" by Norman Greenbaum: When I was a wannabe hippie chick back in high school, I was absolutely delighted to find a hippie song that was Christian too. Hippie Christian rock! Heaven shall forever be known to stoners as "the place that's the best".
83. "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats: I wanted to live in this video. Then later I joined the SCA, and I did.
79. "Puttin' on the Ritz" by Taco: Dear god. My cousin Sheri and I used to listen to this obsessively. I mean, obsessively. I have a clear memory of sitting on our Aunt Vera's front steps and rewinding the tape over and over again. We may have even had our own dance steps to it as well.
77. "What I Am" by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians: Their name was longer than their career. I hated this song in high school, because the lyrics made no sense to me, but if I heard it on the radio, I'd start singing along.
72. "Maniac" by Michael Sembello: Remember when we all wanted to wear legwarmers and torn sweatshirts? Heh, this song was originally about a psychokiller. Sembello changed it to make it fit the movie. It's true. VH1 said so.
71. "How Bizarre" by OMC: I simply cannot turn the radio off on this song. Furthermore, I can't not sing along either. I have no idea what I'm singing about, or what's in my face everytime I look around, but I have to sing it anyway.
67. "Epic" by Faith No More: This so should have been higher.
62. "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" by Timbuk 3: Did you know this was actually a sarcastic song about the future of the world and nuclear war? Yeah, neither did I. The things television teaches you... Wow, can you imagine how pissed the group was when everyone started using it for their graduation song?
55. "It's Raining Men" by the Weather Girls: Hallelujah, two fat women singing about lots of men. Does it get better than this? Their original name wasn't the Weather Girls, it was Two Tons of Fun. That just makes me grin.
53. "Somebody's Watching Me" by Rockwell: This should actually be attributed to Michael Jackson, since he sang all the cool parts of it anyway.
46. "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin: Okay. Bobby McFerrin. A one hit wonder? Hello, HOW many Grammy Awards has this man won? VH1's website talks about what a hugely acclaimed jazz and classical performer he is, but... pop music rules all, so he's a one hit wonder. Feh.
44. "Rock Me Amadeus by Falco: Ah, for that brief shining moment in the 80s, it was cool to like Mozart, due in part to this song and the movie Amadeus.
41. "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood: My god, was I the ONLY 13 year old to actually have a sneaking suspicion of what this song was really about? I remember being incredibly disturbed by this song, because I knew what I thought it was about, but it couldn't REALLY be about that, or else it wouldn't be all over the radio, right? So I figured I just had a dirty mind and felt guilty about it. Now, years later, I find out that when they were singing about coming, they were really singing about coming.
The last forty songs air tonight and tomorrow night. Will I be watching? Oh, probably. I think deep down in my heart of hearts I'm a wannabe popculture princess.