Divisions and Precisions

Sure Thing

This month's On Display collab asks, "What are you sure of?" Well, one thing I'm sure of is that I've waffled all month over what on earth I was sure of.

I mean, I could tell you right this moment that I'm sure of X, Y, and Z, but six months from now everything could be completely different. Eight years ago I would have told you that I was sure I would always love my husband, that we would live happily ever after, that I would always be a good Christian woman, and that I wanted little more than to be a stay-at-home wife and mom.

Seven years ago I wasn't sure of much of anything. I was sure that I loved my new job and my new apartment and my new roommates, but that was pretty much it. I had no idea where my life was going to go and what was going to happen between me and Gary.

Five years ago I was sure that moving in with Hollingsworth was the best decision I'd ever made. I was sure I wanted more than anything to get a degree in Early Childhood Education and to spend my days teaching preschool. I was absolutely certain that I never, ever wanted to get married again. Unfortunately, I was also certain that if I ever decided to have a child, that would be the end of my relationship with Hollingsworth. (That's a very long story, but suffice to say that one pregnancy scare was enough to convince me that a pregnancy would send him out the door.)

Two years ago I was sure I'd be living in Romulus for a long time, that I might even be buying a home there. I was stubbornly happy to be living alone and completely sure that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was sure that I was destined to spend my life pining after someone I could never have. (I wince now, at how much I've written about that here.)

Last year, I was sure that I was going to be a straight A student at Eastern, and that I'd live happily with my parents until I finished school, and that I couldn't possibly get tired of school after working so hard to get back there! I was also sure that I would be a receptionist until I graduated from college.

I guess looking back, you could say that I'm older and wiser. Then again, maybe I'm just older. The only thing I'm still sure of, out of everything I listed above, is that I'm stubbornly happy to be living alone. What else am I sure of? I'm sure that I'm a good writer. I'm sure that I'm no longer interested in being a 'perfect' student, or a perfect anything, for that matter. I'm sure that being single is not only NOT the end of the world, it's actually better than dating at this point. I'm sure that turning thirty later this year is not going to be the death of me -- and that my thirties are going to be much better than my twenties.

I'm sure that I'm happy how my life has panned out, and I wouldn't trade any of it, not even all of the things I used to be so sure of. It took all those years of instability and changing surety to make me appreciate the near-stability I have in my life right now.

That's what I'm sure of. This year.