Divisions and Precisions

Can always count on Satire

Can always count on Satire Wire for a giggle on a grumpy day...

If you can find the spare, set it aside, and get ready to remove the old, defective government. To do this, you must first remove the nuts. This can get tricky, as some nuts have been attached to the government for so long that they have fused with the chassis. If they cannot be loosened up easily, you may try to beat on them with a lug wrench or, in Ted Kennedy's case, offer him a drink.

Next, you will need to jack up the United States. We suggest putting out American flags. This seems to get everyone jacked.