January 31, 2003
I was up just way too late last night. Then this morning, I ran out of time and couldn't stop and get coffee on the way in to work. I suppose I could walk over to Starbucks.
That's one of the best parts about my job. I'm smack in the middle of downtown and can walk all sorts of interesting places on breaks and at lunch. Of course, the other best parts about my job are that I don't have to deal with customers, my hours are insanely flexible, I can work from home on occasion, I largely work independently of anyone and everyone... have I mentioned recently how much I love this job? I think I could deal with something like this full-time, if the whole teaching/writing thing goes horribly awry.
The old journal lives! Sort of...
Well, I finally figured out how to embed my livejournal into my main website, so now you can get my journally goodness at either place, either at roane.livejournal.com or www.selkie.net/journal. The only thing I'm not sure of, for you LJ users, is whether or not you're able to read locked posts at selkie.net. Supposedly I've got it set up right, but it doesn't seem to be working.
January 30, 2003
Today was a good day. (Not that I've had many bad days lately, but...) Tuesday after my composition class, my professor, who'd asked to read some of my fiction, was very complimentary about the story he read. I got my first draft of my paper back from him today, and there was a note at the end that said, "...your discussion of non-fiction is as good as your fiction." Whee! Of course, I think I was more pleased that he thought my fiction was as good as my essay writing. ;)
Also, I think I turned a corner with my epistemology class. I've started asking questions and making comments in class--and the professor is awesome about explaining things. Also, I got my first paper back from him today. I got an A! I don't normally get nervous about papers--I figure what I get is what I get, and I'm comfortable with my writing skills. This one, though, I was terrified about. I've never had to write a paper quite like it, analyzing theories I wasn't quite sure I understood. Either I understand better than I thought, or I misunderstood so eloquently he couldn't help but be impressed. ;)
I can honestly say, I LOVE all of my classes this semester. This is an unexpected pleasure. Even the classes that can be rather boring to sit through (composition and U.S. history) are still covering material I enjoy learning. Without a doubt (in case you've missed it), the highlight of the semester is my Brontë class. The class is active and involved--a nice switch from last semester, and every semester before that, come to think of it.
Here's hoping semester burn out doesn't get me.
Even my writing is going well. I've sent out two more short stories this month, bringing the total to three in circulation. Fingers crossed, I should start hearing back on some of them soon.
January 29, 2003
Whining, and a plea for help
Let me chime in on this Wednesday-hate I periodically see floating through my friends list. It's not that Wednesdays suck so badly, it's just this week, for me at least. Wednesdays generally consist of work, then class until 8. Not too bad. The only problem this week is that I somehow wound up with a TON of homework, assigned yesterday, due tomorrow. Which means I have about two hours between work and class, and two hours between my classes tomorrow, then however long I decide to stay up tonight.
Normally I'd just say "Oh well, I'll stay up as late as it takes tonight." But today I'm tiiiiiiired for some reason. I think because I fell asleep on the couch last night and didn't actually wake up to crawl into bed until after 1 AM. It always feels like sleep you get on the couch doesn't count towards real sleep.
So, I go home and read about 50 pages of Agnes Gray, three articles of varying lengths, stuff for my history class (oh yeah, gotta remember to study for the test tomorrow too), then write a short analysis of a passage from Wuthering Heights. I think if I can write the passage analysis tonight and get about half the reading done, I'll be in good shape to do the rest during my break tomorrow.
In other news, Shakespeare's Minions are hatching a new hare-brained scheme. I'm pretty psyched about it. More news to follow, I'm sure.
We spent a bit of time at Write Club working on the Minions' Writer's Reality Check project (in which we attempt, through humor and maybe a little humiliation, to help writers avoid those little mistakes in their research that can make them look very dumb later). One of the entires we started was the Top Ten Time Travel Mistakes (one of which started off this whole idea). And that's where you all come in, my lovely readers.
We want you to tell us about all those little niggling details that annoy you. Those mistakes and incorrect assumptions authors always seem to make, those little details they let slide. For example, I have this little issue with how writers (both print and film/tv) mis-use archaeological dating techniques. Carbon dating something two million years old? INCORRECT (okay, so it's a very big frothing-at-the-mouth sort of issue). You can just say "Hey, what about X?" Examples are good too. Have a particular area of expertise that writers always make mistakes about? Send us a whole rant on what's wrong, and why. We want this to be funny, but we also want the information we present to be accurate, too.
Come, join the fun!
Feel free to post comments here, at Julie's site, or email me.
January 27, 2003
January 26, 2003
I find it ironic that I'm sitting here writing an essay on Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "Letter from Birmingham Jail" while Gone With the Wind is playing in the background on the television.
Just Say No
Yup, watching my first episode of "The Osbournes", I have to agree, Ozzy Osbourne is a walking, talking (well, mumbling) advertisement for the Just Say No campaign. Although I have to admit, watching him tell the tide to fuck off was pretty damn funny.
January 25, 2003
Weird school pondering
So, I was poking around EMU's degree requirements tonight. Currently, my major is called "Literature, Language, and Writing". It's a lit major with a couple of linguistics and composition courses thrown in. At the rate I'm going, I could graduate April 2004. However, for the exact same number of classes, I could switch to a straight literature major (without the linguistics courses), AND get a double major in philosophy. It's true. For the same amount of time, I could be twice as unemployable!
It's a tempting thought.
January 24, 2003
Stolen shamelessly from
Come on, it's a quiz all about me! You know you wanna answer.
1. What do you call me?
2. What song makes you think of me, and why?
3. If you could give me one present, what would it be?
4. What one thing/event do you associate with me?
5. How well do you think you know me?
It was nineteen degrees this morning as I came into work. There was relatively little wind. It felt positively balmy compared to the three miserable degrees of yesterday morning, particularly since there was no wind trying to rip my face off.
I forgot how very very much I hate the month of January in Michigan.
So last night I was checking out travel sites for airfares to L.A., and got sidetracked looking at European tours. I want. So very very much. My dream is to be able to take a trip to Europe after I graduate. From the prices I saw on some of the tours, this may not be as far fetched as I originally thought. I could do a guided tour by myself. Other than money, the biggest thing that's made me fret about making the trip alone has been navigating foreign countries alone. Anybody ever gone on a guided tour somewhere? Did you like it, hate it?
Ooooh, right now I'm eyeing a 24-day trek from London to Athens, which, including airfare and most meals, would not cost my firstborn child... heck, I'd be thrilled at one of the two- or three-week tours of Great Britain.
January 23, 2003
Spam? Damn it
I got the following email message:
I saw your journal on livejournal, you are hot! I thought I say hi. do you
have any more pictures?
If you would like to see a picture of me, I have one on my page at
[URL to a weird hive site] username is skiplool. Hope to talk to you soon..
I almost thought it might be real, until I realized: the only pictures on my LJ are of my cat and Nathan Fillion. And the site's pretty much an adult chat type thing. Alas.
On another note, I watched The Blair Witch Project on FX tonight. First time I'd watched it since seeing it in the theatre. While I'm not as freaked out as I was the first time (where I had to sleep with my lights on for a week), I'm mildly uneasy. That movie is some scary shit. I dunno why it gets me so bad, but it does.
1. First movie you ever saw in the theatre: The first movie I absolutely remember seeing is Star Wars, at a drive in when I was five years old.
2. Favorite movie as a kid: I think my first movie obsession was E.T. I saved my allowance and bought every magazine I could find that mentioned it.
3. Movie you have seen the most times: In the theatre? Rocky Horror Picture Show. Ever? Hrm. Probably Much Ado About Nothing.
4. Biggest movie star crush as a kid: It's a toss up. Either Henry Thomas (the kid in E.T.), or Mark Hamill. It's embarrassing how much of Return of the Jedi I spent swooning.
5. Favorite 80's teen movie: Not so much for 80s teen movies, if you mean of the John Hughes variety. So probably, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
6. Favorite song from a movie: Now this is embarrassing. Probably "Jukejoint Jezebel" by KMFDM, from, of all things, Mortal Kombat.
7. Favorite love romance movie: Okay, I dunno who wrote this little meme, but isn't "love romance movie" a little redundant? Argh. So, yeah. Much Ado About Nothing, definitely. Just writing about it makes me want to go watch it again.
8. Favorite horror movie: Perhaps surprisingly, not so much into horror movies. Books yes. Movies tend to lose their rewatching value for me. Can't think of one.
9. Favorite drama: Decisions, decisions... I'll go with Fellowship of the Ring. Screw the genre trappings, it counts as drama.
10. Favorite sci-fi movie: Contact.
11. Favorite musical movie: This, perhaps not so surprisingly, is a toss up category: Moulin Rouge, Singin' in the Rain, or The Court Jester.
12. Favorite comedy movie: A Christmas Story
13. Favorite action movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
14. Movie that scared you as a child: The Shining. I only saw the previews as a kid and they gave me nightmares.
15. Movie that makes you cry everytime you see it: Last of the Mohicans. Like a big old baby.
16. Worst movie you ever saw: Anything with Adam Sandler in it.
17. Movie you walked out on in the theatre cause it was so bad: Ishtar
18. Most sexual movie you ever saw (NON PORN): Kenneth Branagh's version of Othello, not because there are rampant sex scenes or anything, but just from the sheer heat generated by the cast.
19. Most disturbing movie you ever saw: Kids
20. Movie that supposedly sucks but you love it: Oh god. The Pirate Movie. Shut up. Also, Cutthroat Island. I apparently have a thing for pirates.
21. Favorite actors: Pretty much the whole cast of LOTR, Kenneth Branagh, Gene Kelly, Kevin Kline, Ewan McGregor
22. Favorite actresses: Nicole Kidman, Emma Thompson
23. Favorite porn star: Seriously, who wrote this? Ugh. No, sorry, no favorite silicone-enhanced "actress" or "actor" here.
24. Favorite sex scene from a movie (NON PORN): The non-porn emphasis, really not necessary. The Romeo and Juliet reciting scene from Shakespeare in Love.
25. Movie you wanted to see the most as a child but were not allowed to: Can't think of one I really wanted to see and couldn't.
26. Sexiest movie star of all time MALE: Serious toss-up here. Classic or modern? Classic: Gene Kelly. Modern: Viggo Mortensen.
27. Sexiest movie star of all time FEMALE: Catherine Zeta Jones
28. Movie that could/might as well been written about your life: Felt a lot of affinity towards Circle of Friends. However, when things get surreal, I think of Hairspray. (However, my mother looks nothing like Divine.)
29. Favorite villain in a movie: Oh, so ashamed once again. Alan Rickman as the Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.
30. Last movie you saw on TV/rented? Prophecy
31. Last movie you saw in theatre: The Two Towers
January 22, 2003
So tonight I was kinda tempted to skip my history of philosophy class. Mostly because it's so damned cold outside. But I decided to suck it up and go. Ended up having a fun conversation with a few classmates (most of whom are in my epistemology class too). 5:30--when class is supposed to start--came and went. Not so surprising, the prof has been late before. Finally a strange woman stuck her head in the classroom and apologized for not letting us know sooner that the prof was sick so class was cancelled. And to make it up to us, he pushed the due date of next week's paper back another week. I felt both very virtuous and very dumb for going to class. ;)
So now I'm settled in my flannels under a warm quilt, eating white cheddar popcorn, drinking Vanilla Coke, and watching Buffy. There are worse ways to spend an expected free evening.
January 21, 2003
Another good day, yay! Ending
Another good day, yay! Ending what is arguably a very long day (I'm in class from 9:30 to 5:00 with one break) with my favorite class is a good thing. I was talking to one of my classmates and we're both a little worried that the class is starting with Wuthering Heights, a favorite book for each of us--will the rest of the course be a letdown in comparison? I'm thinking probably not.
I actually made a relatively intelligent comment or two in epistemology today, which is a first. That class makes me so damn nervous. I actually was trying to rehearse exactly what I wanted to say, and had butterflies when the teacher called on me. I never do that in class. I just feel so out of my league in this one. Actually, I'm probably not, at least not as badly as I think. This is probably good for me.
January 20, 2003
Whoa, a good Monday
After the violent blahness of last week, and a weekend filled with worry and a few touches of emotional turmoil, today was both productive and pleasant. (Hooray!)
I was uber productive at work, and as a result, the time flew by. I learned some new tricks with some of the new programs I'm using, and finally started to get a handle on the graphing program I'm learning.
There were some rough moments after work, as I felt so tired I just wanted to come home and sleep. I resisted, however, and spent several hours out and about studying and running errands. I've caught up most of the homework I missed when I was sick, and am about a week ahead in my reading for the Brontës.
When I got home, I FINALLY managed to grab up some of the laundry I've been putting off for far too long, did some housework, and now I'm settled in with the cats about and on me to try and actually (*gasp!*) do some writing before watching TV.
Don't laugh, but I actually got started watching "Joe Millionaire". As much as I bitched about the premise, and as appalled as I still am by the blatant sexism of it, I can't stop watching. It's the train wreck factor. I do still maintain that I despise reality TV. You all have full permission to smack me upside the head if a month from now I'm raving about American Idol or something like that. Jeez, take away my Firefly and I go to pieces...
January 19, 2003
You can check your moods here, if you're a paid user.
Cause I spent all day drooling and snoring on my couch, and no matter how many times I tried to get up and accomplish something, I just couldn't. Trying to wake up was like trying to swim up through muck while wearing full plate armor. Something is definitely not right. Now I need to apologize to my mom (again) for not coming to visit because I just couldn't literally couldn't stay awake. Ugh.
January 18, 2003
...TLC's new show, "What Not to Wear"? Appalling. Take two snotty "stylists" and have them ambush some poor unsuspecting soul and start trashing her fashion sense and then try to convince her that they can make her life better by changing her clothes. This is like the whole "American Idol" idea of humiliating someone for entertainment value.
So far they've spouted tripe about how image is everything and she's wasting her life by wearing comfortable clothes. What. Ev. Er. Fortunately, the woman they picked seems to have a pretty healthy sense of herself and has pretty much told the "stylists" where to get off a couple times. Ugh. :P
I swear, if I were ever to be on Trading Spaces, I would make sure they knew ahead of time, that if they assigned Hildi to my room I would walk off the show. In fact, I would call the cops and have them drag her out of my house if necessary. Good god.
I was able to spend all day curled up with a good book, alternating between reading and napping, without feeling guilty because I was doing my homework! This is the true joy of taking an interesting lit class. I spent most of today rereading Wuthering Heights. I've read it several times since first reading it in high school, but I'm amazed how much more I'm getting out of it this time. Looking forward to reading the rest of the novels this semester.
January 17, 2003
I never wrote about going to see Sweet Honey in the Rock in concert last Friday, and I should have. If you haven't heard my ravings yet, Sweet Honey is a mostly acappella group of six African-American women, five vocalists and one sign language interpreter. They do a mix of old spirituals, tribal music, modern jazz and R&B stuff, and all of it comes with a strong message of social justice. These are six highly educated and accomplished women, and they're a joy to watch perform. Differing ages and shapes and sizes, they dance and move and sing until the audience joins in.
I saw them for the first time last year, so I was excited about seeing them again. This time they brought a very pleasant surprise with them. The founder's daughter, Toshi Reagon, is a musician in her own right with her own band. I wasn't sure how I felt at first about the group that I loved for its acappella sound, being backed by a rock band.
Then Toshi started to sing. First of all, she's a big woman, maybe even my size, and she's got a voice that more than matches. Oh man. I was blown out of my seat. She has a style similar to Tracy Chapman, but more so. Livelier, younger, maybe. She's also clearly inherited her mother's songwriting gift as well. I can't say enough. Seriously. Go here and you can pretty much listen to her entire latest album (which I received from Amazon today--that reminded me that I'd never posted about it). Go on. "Mountain Top" is a good one to start with, although I haven't heard one yet that I haven't liked. Go. Go listen. Now.
Okay, The Prophecy was worth
Okay, The Prophecy was worth the rental, just to hear Aragorn croak out, "I love you more than Jesus!" Wrongly funny.
No real surprise, but my god that picture's awful...
January 16, 2003
Yay, I survived my bout with the stomach flu. My fever went away earlier this afternoon, and so far dinner hasn't caused any problems. Beyond that, I slept a lot. Ready to go to bed and do some more sleeping. I hate I hate I HATE the stomach flu. It's like the most demoralizing minor illness you can get.
Long night of weird fever dreams. I dreamt about philosophy all night. I was sitting in a lecture on John Stuart Mill, which is funny because I don't think I'm studying him this semester, and I've certainly never studied him before. The cats kept climbing on me all night, but apparently I forgot to feed them before falling into bed.
Grar. I don't want to blow all of today off, but the thought of trying to walk around campus and focus on lectures right now makes me miserable. Ironic, isn't it, that I've skipped class with no second thought before, but when I'm actually sick all of a sudden it's a big dilemma. I just hate using my limited absences this early in the semester.
For now though, I think I'm dragging my ass back to bed.
January 15, 2003
I started feeling pukey during my class tonight, literally "oh god am I going to have to get up and leave?" pukey. I survived class, and still haven't thrown up, but I get the feeling I'd feel better if I did. I'm running a little bit of a fever too. Goddamn it. I'm too busy this semester lose a whole day or more to ickness. :P
Beware bloody noses, apparently...
According to the Alien Abduction Test There is a 22% chance that I've been abducted by Aliens!
January 14, 2003
So, today was Rumpus's infamous trip to the vet to be neutered. I had to have him at the clinic by 8:15 this morning so I wouldn't be late to class.
So, by 7:45, I had scooped up Rumpus and was heading for the carrying crate. Bear in mind that Rumpus has only been in that crate once, and that was the day I brought him home. Apparently he remembered it. Upon seeing the crate he started scrabbling wildly and trying to jump out of my arms. Clever me, I'd anticipated this, and managed to hold on. The crate was sitting on an armchair. I promptly tried to insert Kitten A into Crate B.
Rumpus immediately doubled in size, grew five extra legs and two extra tails. He hooked half of his paws around the edges of the crate, wrapped one tail around the nearby lamp, and employed the rest of his limbs in clawing and clinging to the furniture, all the while chanting, "Hell no, I won't go."
Right. 7:55. Putting the crate on a fabric surface was clearly a bad idea. So I move the crate to the kitchen floor. Once again, insert Kitten A into Crate B. I don't know how, but Rumpus managed to cling to linoleum. Through all of this, Rumpus is wriggling and trying to get out of my arms, creating new and exciting sucking chest wounds on his owner. (Note to self: next time, clip the cats' claws the night before a vet appointment.)
Finally I get the bright idea to turn the crate up on end, and let gravity help me get Rumpus tucked away, as well as remove any clawable surface (other than me, that is) from reach. Bingo! Rumpus is safely enscounced in his little plastic castle, and I'm off to grab a bottle of water and my coat.
Then I heard a demon moaning in my living room.
Now, Rumpus has the cutest, most pitiful sounding kitten meow you've ever heard, despite being nearly as big as Pooka already. He walks around the house periodically going "Weow" in a high-pitched tiny voice. Which is why I was startled to hear a basso profundo howl from his vicinity. Even Pooka freaked, looking at me and giving a startled meow: "Mom, what the FUCK was that?!"
Still, 8:00, on the road and out the door. Demon-Rumpus complained all the way to the vet, then was quiet. When I picked him up, he was obviously afraid, but otherwise okay. Apparently the surgery sent Demon-Rumpus into hiding. When I got him home, he spent a few minutes under the bed then went back to his usual routine. All in all, he's just fine.
He can't fool me though. Not now that I know there's a demon cat hiding somewhere behind the kittenish voice.
I plan to share my
I plan to share my adventures with taking Rumpus to the vet later, but for now:
Those of you interested in Dickens or Victoriana in general, check this out. Stanford University is publishing "Great Expectations" as it would have originally been read: in pieces, each new excerpt coming out once a week. You can sign up for free and get the excerpts mailed to you, in the same format the original readers received them, down to the typesetting. I've never been a fan of Dickens, but this seemed pretty neat, and I'll bet he's more digestible in small chunks. :)
Looking for tsetse flies...
Brief note before I crawl off to bed. Sleepy. Rumpus goes to the vet tomorrow to get fixed. (Finally!) As glad as I am that now he'll eventually stop waking me up as he tries to hump Pooka, I'm marginally worried, just about having him out of my care in general.
I spent the weekend alternating between sleeping and doing homework--I finally had to leave the damn house in order to escape the lethargy vortex that seemed centered around my couch. I managed to accomplish, in three hours at Starbucks on Sunday, more than I managed to do all weekend between massive naps on the couch. This is just wrong. I should be able to stay awake in my own h....zzzzz.
January 09, 2003
There goes one obsession
Well, "Firefly" didn't get picked up by UPN. I'm less upset than I anticipated. Apparently Joss is still looking for another network, but I think the worst of my fervor is past.
(All together now: "THANK GOD!")
No really. He did. I heard Baby Jesus cry while I forked over $325 for books for this semester. That's more than I've paid for any two semesters before. Fourteen books for five classes, and I'm still missing four books. Not to mention that the bookstore gave me one WRONG book, so I'll have to go back tomorrow. The highlights?
-Six books for my Brontë class, but the professor believes in using the cheap editions, so that was maybe $30 dollars. Still missing two though.
-One of epistemology books cost $78 dollars.
-My 100-level history class has four books. "Does that seem right to you?"
Yup, it's true. I'm taking upper-division classes now. Blah.
January 08, 2003
19th Century girl
Last semester was all about the 18th Century. What with my 18th Century lit class and my Philosophy of Art class (that spent a good chunk of time reading Sir Joshua Reynolds, an 18th Century artist). I didn't plan it, but this semester is all about the 19th Century. My biggest class this semester is a class on the Brontë sisters, who of course, lived in the 19th Century. My epistomology class is apparently at least starting in that time period, then tonight was the first meeting of my history of philosophy class, which is focusing on the 19th Century. And come to think of it, my U.S. history class is going to spend a lot of time on the 19th Century too. Jeez. How'd I manage that?
Speaking of 19th Century philosophy: hol-ee shit! Tonight the prof gave a "short introductory lecture" on Kant, and I took three solid pages of notes. I never take notes like that. The prof moves fast, and he's a name dropper. I kept having the horrible feeling that I'm missing a lot of background information. I felt positively ignorant. This should be interesting.
Oh, I forgot...
...to share proof of my absolute geekiness. Last night I made a point of watching "Two Guys and A Girl" on WE, and I watched the copy of the Sandra Bullock movie "28 Days" that I'd rented from Netflix. Why? Cause the captain from "Firefly" (pictured above) was in "Two Guys..." I hate Sandra Bullock as a rule, but Viggo Mortensen was in "28 Days", as was Alan Tudyk, everybody's favorite adorable pilot (also on "Firefly"). To my surprise, I liked the movie, regardless of who was in it.
You should see my Netflix queue. It reads like Viggo's and Alan's resumes. Winging its way to me, even as we speak, is a movie I swore up and down that I would never ever ever EVER see, simply because Alan Tudyk is the sidekick: "A Knight's Tale". I think I need help.
Sleep! I got sleep last night! After two nights of not being able to fall asleep to save my life, getting about 2-3 hours of sleep each night, I got a full eight hours of sleep last night. Still a little tired, but man do I feel better.
Work is making me a little nutty at the moment. If you want me to do something, give me enough notice so I have time to do it. Grar. I think the hunger is making me grouchy.
January 07, 2003
"Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! I made you eat your parents!"
Is it wrong that "South Park" amuses me so?
Had my first classes for winter semester today. Although I said I wasn't going to enroll for five classes, I did anyway, because the thought of pushing back graduation because I'm a wimp made me a little crazy. Unfortunately, I had to break down and take another evening class, which I really didn't want to do. :P
I'm convinced I can handle the workload, as long as I keep my shit together. There are going to be a lot of papers this semester, and my class on the Brontë sisters is seriously reading intensive, but it's not beyond what I can handle. And if I plan to go to graduate school, I gotta learn to suck it up and deal.
I can do this, damn it. God it feels good to finally be a senior.
January 06, 2003
I figured it out! Sort of. I have a feeling I'm doing this the long way around, but I have successfully created a file, and edited it. Get me, creating graphs.
Somebody shoot me, please?
Damn it, I'm not geeky enough!
I thought I loved computer geeks. I thought I WAS a computer geek.
Sadly, I am being disabused of this notion. Painfully. My boss is a fairly old-school computer guy--he's insisted that I work in Emacs to edit his work, and I've learned LaTeX, a sort of desktop publishing mark-up language. I can deal with this. In fact, I'm doing pretty darn well with it.
However, now he wants me to learn a statistical program/language simply called, rather ominously, R. It's essentially a programming language. I thought "Sure, I can learn this." Unfortunately, the manuals all seem to be taking a lot of things for granted, things that I don't understand. Questions that I have aren't answered anywhere, most likely because the answer is expected to be self-evident to anyone who has any business using this blasted thing.
I'm supposed to be using this to draw figures and graphs for the text book we're working on. Well, I managed to draw a figure to test it out, but now I can't figure out how to EDIT the damn thing. I change the text file that's holding the commands, but how do I recompile it so the changes are reflected in the actual graph? You don't know. I don't know. It's not in the manuals, because this is all geared towards programmers. I am not a programmer.
January 04, 2003
Joining the club...
This turned into a weird free association thing.
1. I was born about a month premature. I weighed 4 pounds. I've made up for it since.
2. My mom only gained three pounds when she was pregnant.
3. The umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, but apparently not enough to do damage.
4. My dad was 49 years old when I was born. When I was a kid, folks always thought he was my grandfather.
5. I had no hair until I was about three or four. My mom used to tape a barette to my head so folks would know I was a little girl.
6. Of course, then she turned right around when I was five and gave me such a short haircut that people always thought I was a boy.
7. One of my earliest memories is going to Boblo Island, a local amusement park. You got there by taking a huge boat across the Detroit River. I remember being terrified that the boat would sink and we'd drown, until my dad bought me a toy umbrella. That apparently made things all better, by the logic that umbrellas keep you dry.
8. The mailman once delivered me to my mother. He found me hanging off our backyard fence by my diaper. Apparently I'd tried to climb the fence and gotten stuck.
9. Our church preacher used to live across the street from us, and in fact, babysat me for a time. Consequently, I would often sit up and church and yell, "Hi Doug!" at the preacher during his sermon.
10. I had my tonsils out when I was four. This is also when I started to get chubby. I've often jokingly maintained that they told me I could eat all the ice cream I wanted, and I never stopped.
11. Weight has been a huge issue all of my life. The first time I went on Weight Watchers, I was eight years old. I spent most of my childhood on various diets, and eventually got the message that I wasn't good enough (because I couldn't succeed at losing weight), and that my body was something to be hated and feared.
12. I developed a perfectionist streak around this time as well.
13. One of my teachers once wrote on my report card, "Lisa is very sociable." I spent a lot of time trying to convince my mom that this was a good thing, and not just that I talked too much.
14. I learned to read when I was four, but nobody knows how I learned. I remember being in the car with my mom and grandma and pointing out to them that the store across the street was open 24 hours. When they asked how I knew that, I pointed at the sign. It was the first they knew that I could read.
15. I used to read our set of World Book Encyclopedias for fun.
16. I read Hamlet for the first time in fifth grade, and didn't understand much of it.
17. By seventh grade, I was doing much better.
18. I won a school spelling bee in middle school.
19. I had my first kiss when I was two weeks shy of 13. He was 18. That scares me now.
20. I lost my virginity at 19, on my wedding night.
21. I got married way too young.
22. I have every single episode of "The Monkees" on videotape. At least I used to. The tapes are pretty old.
23. I can still quote from them.
24. My dad died when I was 17.
25. I left for college three weeks after his funeral, under protest.
26. I spent several years involved in local community theatre, but only got cast in a school play once.
27. I had a pie thrown into my face in a play once.
28. I played Aslan in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I had three lines. I didn't die. It was the single worst play adaptation ever.
29. The best role I ever had was Ruth in The Pirates of Penzance. The best acting I ever did was as the lead in a short play called "The Death of Bessie Smith" by Edward Albee. I have both on tape.
30. Instead of going on dates (since we were poor college students), my ex-husband and I used to go to the practice rooms in the music department and sing together. Which eventually led to making out.
31. I've sung at several weddings.
32. I sang at my father's funeral.
33. I was interviewed on CNN once.
35. I'm a big slob.
36. I have the messiest car on the face of the planet. I am not exaggerating.
37. I talk obnoxiously to my cats.
38. I'm a procrastinator.
39. I've been to New York City twice, and Los Angeles three times. Despite living an hour from Canada, however, I've only been there three times.
40. I've never been off the continent.
41. All of my furniture, with the exception of one desk and my bookcases, was inherited from dead relatives.
42. I have the refrigerator contents of a bachelor.
43. I have no fashion sense.
44. I have huge, flat, wide feet. Size 10-11.
45. I've discovered the joy of playing with my hair color. Next time I'm tempted to go for a somewhat kooky color, like burgundy.
46. My right eyebrow is forked. I fell against a coffee table when I was young and my eyebrow doesn't grow where the scar is.
47. I graduated high school 20th out of a class of 375.
48. I turned around and almost bottomed out in college.
49. I've written one and a half novels, so far.
50. I daydream about writing full time.
51. I have frightening toenails.
52. I'm a feminist with occasional Marxist leanings.
53. As much as I'd love to get a Ph.D. and become a professor, I hate the notion of having to move all over the country to find a job.
54. Five years ago, I would've said that I'd never finish college.
55. I've moved back home to my mom three times since originally moving out: once when I was married, once after I left my ex, and once when I first started at Eastern.
56. I was depressed for five years before I was able to get successful treatment.
57. During the worst of my depression, I spent about 18 hours a day actively using the internet--this was pre-WWW days. I did absolutely nothing else.
58. I walked out on a therapist who insisted that I was fat because I was molested as a child.
59. I was spoiled as a child. The Christmas I got a television, I think I was about five years old. Somewhere in there I got my first typewriter.
60. I wrote my first story when I was eleven.
61. Watching my "nephew" Justin's birth was one of the most profound experiences of my life.
62. I used to want to be a stay at home mom.
63. I was heartbroken when I learned at age eight that I could never be a ballerina.
64. I used to think people would go to hell for having sex.
65. The first time I got drunk I was 23 years old.
66. My favorite show as a kid was "Fame". I used to fantasize about going to the New York School of the Performing Arts.
67. I used to sleepwalk.
68. I emceed the school talent show in high school.
69. I've never had a normal period in my life. No doctor has ever seemed terribly concerned about this.
70. I'm frightened by the idea that I might be infertile.
71. I once sang at Carnegie Hall in New York.
72. Has anyone actually read this far?
73. I'm turning into an obsessed fangirl late in life.
74. I often wonder if I'm not a touch immature for my age. I don't feel 30.
75. I think I'm addicted to movie theatre popcorn.
76. I despise reality TV.
77. I'm so lazy, I can't believe I got this far with this list.
78. I was only punished in school three times, and two of those times were in elementary school. I got a detention in middle school for not bringing a signed progress report back in. I just forgot.
79. I am often a very angry person. I repress a lot.
80. Fat jokes make me angry. Unless I make them about myself.
81. Despite the anger, I go to extreme lengths to avoid conflict.
82. When I found out that Dream Pod 9 wanted to publish my first book, I sat down and screamed.
83. I was in the single worst production of Stephen Sondheim's Sweeney Todd that was ever mounted.
84. I had a poodle perm when I was in 7th grade.
85. I have always been a geek.
86. The best theatrical production I ever saw was when the Royal Shakespeare Company do a series of Shakespeare's histories in 2001 in Ann Arbor.
87. I had the chicken pox twice.
88. I have a heart murmur.
89. My first job was at Burger King when I was 15.
90. My first car was a 1985 Buick Skylark. I adored that car.
91. I taught preschool for three years.
92. I've been in an interracial relationship. My southern family was not amused.
93. I have no idea how normal dating works. I've never done it.
94. I have bad handwriting. One of my teachers once told my mom my brain moved too fast for my hand to keep up. My mom didn't buy it.
95. I am tickled to death to finally be a college senior.
96. Before I bought denim leggings this past fall, I hadn't worn jeans in over ten years.
97. I used to be agoraphobic. I only left the house at night.
98. The only movie I've ever walked out on was Ishtar.
99. I get choked up for the weirdest reasons. Kleenex commercials have made me cry.
100. I have two collections: unicorn figurines and stuffed seals.
I think I dreamt about my ex-husband all night. Or even weirder, I dreamt that I dreamt about my ex-husband.
In my dream, we ran into each other again, and started talking, and it seemed like we were on the verge of getting back together. We talked over a lot of the bad stuff that happened while we were married, and I realized how much I missed him. Then I woke up, and started thinking how weird it was that I dreamt about him. In fact, I came here and posted about it--and somewhere in there realized that I was STILL DREAMING.
It was all so vivid, it's stayed with me all day. I remember standing in the last apartment we lived in, and both of us apologizing for how awful the last year of our marriage was. It seemed like we were about to kiss, then I 'woke up'. Honestly thought I was awake, I was in my own bed, surrounded by the cats, and everything. I think when I was typing in my livejournal entry I started to realize that I was still dreaming. I don't think I've ever had a dream within a dream before. It was very weird.
I felt so close to him. It made me realize how distant I am to most people now. Even the people I'm close to, I keep out on some level. I don't know when it happened, and I don't know how to fix it. There's a lot of fear here. The internet has, in a lot of ways, given me a chance to open up without a lot of risk. Here, I can be close to people without really being close to them. I've said it before, elsewhere, with internet friends, I have absolute control over what they see of me. That's probably one reason why it's so appealing to me. I guess I'm covering old ground. I just keep forgetting this. The idea of having intimacy issues just doesn't fit in with my self-image of myself. I think of myself as being so open.
Grar. Socially inept. That's me.
January 03, 2003
Back to work!
Okay, that was like, the shortest almost-two-week-vacation I've ever had. Where'd all that time go? Feh. I miss my morning nap. I miss my afternoon nap. I miss my post-afternoon-nap nap. Is it possible that I honestly slept for two weeks straight? Feels like it. With short waking periods for food and reading. You know, I'd be remarkably rested right now, if I'd been able to fall asleep before three this morning. :P
So, back to work, and school starts Monday. Still not sure what I'm going to do with my schedule. After last semester, taking five classes seems like madness (although, my grades weren't so horrid, I managed a 3.1 for the semester), but I keep noticing just how close I'm getting to graduating, and taking only four classes is going to push me back a semester. (Which leaves me pondering... April 2004 or August or December of 2004?) I'm thinking I'll wait and see how heavy the workload looks to be after I get all my syllabi together. Definitely dropping the Spanish class though. I think I'd be better off to take both semesters back to back, instead of one now and one in September. Jeez, I had all that time and I still didn't manage to clean out my bookbag. How pitiful is that?
Okay. I think I'm ready for a new semester. (Aside from the whole bookbag thing.)
Clowns will eat me...?
I can't sleep. Invariably, the night before vacation's end, I do this. Now it's almost 2:30, and while I'm tired, when I lie down my brain starts racing. This was happening before vacation, and happened to some extent on vacation too, so it doesn't seem related to anything in particular. Feh. One more thing to add to the list of "things to check at the dr. next time I go". Which should be soon. No really.