La Vie Boheme

Is this thing on?

Well hell. Look at this. I have a writing journal. It's been a long year of not very much writing at all, despite my best intentions after WorldCon. Now it's the week after WisCon, and I'm fired up once again, in part due to the panels, and in a larger part due to the writers' workshop I attended there with the first chapter of The Exile's Daughter. I have a vague notion of where to start rewriting the beast now, go me.

Also helping re-light the fire under my ass was the Commie Pinko 48 Hour Short Story Contest sponsored on Hanne Blank's livejournal. I participated, wrote a story over a weekend, and received an honorable mention for it. I'm still fond of the story, and currently have it awaiting critiques on OWW.

On a whim, I rearranged and reorganized my entire office and succeeded in creating a workspace that feels "right". Last night was my first night actually working there, and I accomplished a few things:

Joined OWW, posted "Golden Boy", and critiqued a story
Reread "Sic Transit Gloria" and "An Eye For an Eye"
Found a market for "Sic Transit" and sent it out
Reluctantly trunked "An Eye For an Eye" (more on that)
Found the first market for "Golden Boy", as soon as it's ready.

So... the trunking. Apparently during this long non-writing period, my skills have been creeping along without me (quite possibly due to all the reading I've been doing), because "Eye for an Eye" is just not as good as I remembered it being. There's some good stuff there, but as a whole, it's not quite right, and I don't think it's worth fixing. The scenes that are good just don't seem to belong to that story. The good news is, though, I think I can cannibalize the good parts for False Light, whenever I get around to writing it.

I think this weekend I'm going to try and do some character work on Exile (Alex, talk to me, damn you) and maybe, if I'm lucky, finish the untitled story I've been working on for ages.

God, it feels good to be thinking of work again.

Interesting... in the Chinese sense

Because I didn't feel like wrestling with "Ekphora" tonight, I went poking through my old writing files, looking at scraps of things I've started, ideas I've jotted down and never pursued, looking for a little inspiration, maybe. I didn't expect to find the opening scene of a novel staring me in the face.

What I found was a snippet I wrote earlier this year, a total departure from the spec fic-flavored stuff I usually come up with. I put it away because I didn't know what to do with it. It seems to meander too much for a short story, and besides that, I'm not entirely sure there's enough story for a short story, but maybe enough for a novel. (Does that make sense to anyone but me? It seems like short stories require more story than novels do--there's more room to roam in a novel, to stray from the point. Even enough room to avoid having much of a point at all--just ask Faulkner.)

I love the snippet. I adore the snippet. The characters, in just 300 words, reach up off the page and grab me by the collar. I just don't know what to do with them. And I'm a little afraid to just write them and see where they go, because of the structure problems I'm trying to resolve. Maybe I should give myself a word-count limit. Maybe 3,000 words. Or 5,000. Just see where they go, and then try to corral them into some sort of outline.

Hmm.

Juggling

I have a new title for "Don't Look Back". I have a notion of where it went wrong and how to fix it. I even started fixing it. Now if people would just leave me the hell alone long enough to finish it, I'd be good.

Yeah. Definitely going to have to start rebuilding boundaries on when it's okay and when it's not okay to interrupt writing time. For myself too, cause I no longer have time to screw around and be distracted. I might take to leaving the house to write again. I dunno. Something.

Surface thoughts

I was proud of myself for actually bringing my spiffy new laptop to work with me, and further, actually writing during my lunch hour. The biggest problem, however, is that the story I was working on now looks tremendously flawed. Flawed, but with enough good stuff in it that it's definitely not something I want to scrap. Well crap. That means I have to actually work. And that's all I want to do this morning, but the day job has other ideas.

It's very very hard for me to analyze my own work--I mean, I know it's hard for everyone, but there are times when I feel like I just can't think deep enough to write the way I want to write. Like I'm just floating over the surface of everything I write, and when I try to focus more, to take an idea further, my brain hits a wall. Part of it's mental laziness, I know. My brain gets so tiiiired, poor thing. It's not just fiction writing; I've gotten similar comments on several of my lit papers. "Explore this more. I want to see more of this idea. Expand on this."

Yeah. Maybe it's all laziness. I want to try to get out of the habit of slapping a coat of paint on my writing and calling it done. I want to build up my mental stamina a little. I need to do brain callisthenics.

Man, writing is hard.

No really, I mean it this time.

Well, WorldCon was enough to inspire me, and light a big fire under my ass. I spent today finishing the rewrite on "Sic Transit Gloria", and I sent it back out. Tomorrow, I plan to see if "Don't Look Back" needs a polish (I know it needs a new title, for sure) and get it resubmitted, ASAP. I've sat on it for far too long.

Also, I had a few revelations on The Exile's Daughter, and I want to start trying to figure out how to work them in.

And did I mention I got a new laptop? That I can actually work from? Yeah. I think it's time to stop dwelling on the vagaries of RL and get back to acting like a writer again.

cough, cough

Wow, let me just dust things off around here, shall I? It's been a crazy couple of months, but my fingers are crossed that perhaps things might return to something resembling normal any minute now.

(You hear that, Universe? I said, ANY. MINUTE. NOW.)

I'm starting to get that itch, the one that says I need to write, and soon. I've been looking at my priorities again, and I'm forced to ask myself, just how many reruns of Law & Order does one need to watch, really? I'm starting to let my reasons for not writing turn into excuses for not writing, and that just needs to stop.

First on my list of things I want to work on is a revision of "Sic Transit Gloria" which recently came back with some highly complimentary comments and an invitation to rewrite and resubmit. The rewrites are pretty much done on paper, I just need to input them.

I'm also turning The Exile's Daughter over and over in my head. I've wondered, pretty much since I started writing it, if it wouldn't make a better YA novel than an 'adult' novel. The conflicts and subplots seem like the type that would appeal more to adolescents, maybe, than adults (which isn't to say that adults couldn't enjoy it--and for that matter, unless my readers are just being polite, haven't enjoyed it). I'm starting to think that maybe, just maybe, I've been away from the story long enough to actually start rewriting it, no really for real I mean it this time. I think I'm just going to have to bug Mer for rewriting tips, since now she's the experienced one here. ;)

We'll see. I'm all a-tingle with nervous anticipation.

Happy anniversary to me

Five years ago today I submitted my first story to a magazine. Has it really been five years? Egads. It feels like I should have accomplished more in that time, but really, I've done more than I think.

I have to giggle at my naive self from five years ago: "I now count myself as a 'real' writer." Yeah. That didn't last. I still waver on that point.

Long time, no write

Yes, I know. I'm ashamed to say that, aside from a couple of Write Club meetings, I've not written a word that wasn't email or a journal entry since I started my new job. The good news, however, is that the job is going very well.

But still. Time to get back on the horse, I think. The time away was useful in one respect: it gave me some distance from all the pieces I was working on, particularly in revising. I had sort of an epiphany about my novel-writing, specifically about The Exile's Daughter. I don't think I know how to structure a scene. I tend to write from a roleplayer's POV, where if I skip over some time, I absolutely have to summarize what took place during that time before I can get to the good stuff. Most of the time, this leads to clunky scenes. At least, this is my theory. Now I'm almost eager to reread Exile, and maybe see if my theory holds any water.

But then, if I start rewriting it again, there's the whole worldbuilding mess to take care of. Hrm. Although, perhaps it's not as much of a mess as I think. A reread will answer that question too.

All in all, I've been a little frustrated at my lack of motivation, and have been experiencing some shadows of self-doubt--but I think the latter comes from a warped sense of time, an unrealistic expectation of how long it's going to take me to realize a lot of my writing goals. I've started to lose sight of writing as an enjoyable thing, something I love.

To try and remedy that, I'm trying to go back to writing a story longhand, the way I did back in middle school. I've got about 7 or 8 pages so far, and for now it's just known as the David story because of my ineptitude with titles. I feel like I'm reconnecting with something through this, which can only be a good thing.

Resubmission train

Two submissions today: "Sic Transit Gloria" went back out the door after a couple of days' rest (and a little nitpicking), and "Don't Look Back" went out for the first time. It's probably the most "experimental" of anything I've written (translation: it's written in present tense and I tweaked grammatical rules a bit), and I'm not 100% certain it works, but I like it--and it's time to get it out the door while I still like it.

I'm debating focusing on short stories for a bit, finish up the half-finished stories I have lying around, cleaning up the couple I've finished but that haven't seen the light of day yet--you know, clean off my desk before the next novel. Not that I'm not poking around the edges of the novel, mind you, but I'd like a clean slate (not to mention more things in circulation!) before I really focus all my attention on it.

(She says, optimistically. I start a new job on Tuesday, so I imagine writing will be back-burnered, at least for a little bit.)

New story...?

I started a new story today--no word count to post yet, because I'm going to try the whole first draft longhand. It's an experiment, of sorts. I'm shooting for a funny bit of fluff--which means it'll probably go all epic and serious on me any minute now. But I don't know. The situation is sufficiently ridiculous; it should be able to resist drama.

I'm mocking the chick lit genre and taking on Pygmalion at the same time--what's with me and the Greco-Roman stuff lately?

"Don't Look Back", rewritten

Yes, it's true. I edited today. Mer's latest good news has lit a fire under my ass to get more stories out into circulation.

Clearly, the edit for this story has been influenced by some things I've been reading lately, but I think that's a good thing. I cut a huge portion, and really shifted the focus, I think. In the process, my narrator seems to have gotten a little more psychotic on me. Not that that's a bad thing. Right now, I'm pleased.

Ye gods!

After several days of rooting around and researching, I have a pantheon for the Novel Formerly Known as Sword in the Mound. They're one big dysfunctional family, complete with rivalries and heartbreak and illicit relationships. They don't have names yet, but they have archetypes. I even have a few myths about them floating around in my head.

And since the government of this country is a pantheocracy, I'm starting to get a good idea how the government works as well.

This is FUN. :)

I know, there's no real word count yet this month, but trust me, I'm working. It's just all longhand. Maybe when I start writing myths and answering worldbuilding questions I'll have an actual count to report.

Worldbuilding!

After a bit of self-analysis and a period of beating my head against existing faerie mythology, I decided to try setting Sword in the Mound (god, that so needs a new title--now there is neither sword nor mound involved in the plot anywhere) in (*gasp*) an original fantasy-type setting. I have never tried this level of worldbuilding before, and I have to say, so far I'm having a hell of a lot of fun. I have a notebook and notecards slowly filling up with scribbled ideas for pantheons, customs, religions, political systems. I'm doing research on antipodean geography and climate--and enjoying it! Not to mention poking through obscure civilizations and mythology for ideas.

While I periodically do a mental check to see if my plotline will fit in this world, I'm startled to admit that for the most part, the world is doing its own thing in my head, and if the book I planned to write doesn't fit in it, I may just end up writing a different book.

Not that it isn't turning into a completely different book on its own anyway. But that's another story for another post.

Plotted!

Well, the notecard system worked wonders--or at least, I'm pleased with it so far. I got a few subplots out of the deal, and it even helped me with worldbuilding a little bit. The plot is laid out up until the denouement, which I'm leaving a little open to see what happens.

There's just one little problem with Sword in the Mound right now--well, not a problem so much as a dilemma. See, it's not a romance anymore. I mean, there IS romance in it, but it's definitely not going to be in the romance genre. And there's no sword. There might not even be a mound. You see my difficulty.

The other difficulty I'm having is the same one I've had all along: timeframe. This is definitely not modern-day, but I can't seem to nail down what timeframe I want it to be set in. Or place. Part of the problem is pure laziness. I don't feel like researching a historical setting--but laziness aside, I can't figure out what period best fits the feel I'm looking for. I've been seriously tempted to just set it in an alternate world so I don't have to worry about accuracy, but that seems like a coward's way out. (And contrary to what I pondered at Write Club last week, there's probably no time travel, and there's nothing Welsh.)

I think I need to read some historical romance and fantasy to see how other folks have dealt with the issue.

Sequel-itis

Why can't my work behave itself?

This novel (Sword in the Mound) started out as a joke. It was supposed to be a silly, fluffy little romance novel. Even the title's a joke! But no. It's getting delusions of grandeur. Re-reading what I've written of it so far, I realized that it quite likely is set in the same mythos as The Exile's Daughter, and could easily be a precursor to everything that happens then. (I'm spotting several ideas that I've apparently been developing in my subconscious for a long time now.)

Then I started thinking that my problem in ending Sword (and hello, if it's going to pretend to be a serious epic thing, then it needs to give itself a more dignified title than Sword in the Mound) is that there's more story potential here than in just one book. I mean, a bittersweet ending might work okay if there's a sequel coming, right?

Christ.

And did I mention that one of my minor characters might have switched sides on me (again)? He's hinting that he might be more of a villain than I'd originally thought, the bastard. And all of this just from notecarding!

Clearly, this is why I can't write short stories. My brain refuses to think small. If I start pulling a Robert Jordan, someone shoot me, please?

I love this part, I know I do. I know that's why I have such a hard time editing, because I love this part so much more. I'm starting to think that I should just let my work ethic go where it wants, and work on what I want to work on, as long as I'm working on something, and quit second guessing it. I'm tired of constantly questioning what I "should" be working on. Am I wrong in this? I don't know--but tired of questioning myself. I realized this morning that maybe by working on continual first drafts, practicing on getting it closer to right the first time, I might get to the point that complete overhaul editing might cease to be necessary.